Are you twenty or thirty pounds overweight, and struggling to take off those last pounds?
I have a theory, and mind you, it's only a theory. It's not based in any research, although there may be some research available that I'm not aware of.
I know that after staying underweight for a while, my body rebelled, and now insists upon keeping me well within a healthy weight range by keeping me awake at night until I've eaten enough.
It won't even allow me to stay at the low end of normal, which I found out by having tried to work against it a few years ago.
I wonder if all the abuse of dieting--starving, bingeing, avoiding food groups, eating disgusting food--is enough to make our bodies rebel forever.
My theory is that our bodies might very well insist that they stay a little bit on the heavy side if we've battered them for too long.
Are you now using the normal eating approach, and you've lost some weight, but your weight has leveled off, leaving you still overweight? It may be your body's insistence upon protecting itself from further abuse.
This bodily reaction to diet abuse may be the reason some experts insist that the only way overweight folks can become normal weight again is to add exercise.
But exercise aside, if you've been overweight a long time, and you know that you've abused your body over time, and now you can't seem to lose the number of pounds you'd like to, consider that being a little overweight may be inevitable and maybe not be so awful. Perhaps it's better to quit fighting your body.
Instead, stick with hunger and fullness, and see what your body does. It may very well be that it will simply take longer than you'd like, or there may come a time when you accept facts.
What's imporant is that you're no longer abusing your body, and you're no longer preoccupied with your weight. You're free!
The hunger and fullness approach is the only way of eating that I know of that involves zero abuse, so why not make it your only goal?
Forget about goal weights. If you've waited for hunger, and stopped at eighty percent full, you've met your goal for the day.
And maybe this begs the question for some of you, "How awful is it really to be a little overweight? Is it so terrible as we think?"
It's possible that you're at your healthiest right now because, at last, you're making your body happy.
Our bodies are wiser than we think.
If you're a member of Diet Survivors, or you read this blog, there's never a need to buy a book. But if you would like to read a book, here's one written by the author of this blog:
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How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
In your haste to put your diet life behind you, you're probably chucking diet books, tossing diet foods, canceling old memberships, and cleaning out clothes of every size. Time to start over, right?
Sure. It can be cleansing to get rid of reminders of bad habits. But hold on. Remember that learning normal eating is about learning to think in shades of gray.
I don't know about you, but I kept my cookbooks. It's funny to think that if I had them shelved in the order in which I bought them, they would show the chronology of my diet efforts over the years.
Luckily, as each diet faded away, replaced by another, I somehow managed to have the forethought not to throw the old ones away.
And now I'm so glad. I have favorite recipes in each book. The books include:
- Suzanne Somers
- Atkins
- Joy of Cooking
- Fannie Farmer
- Some vegan cookbooks
- A grains cookbook
- Jane Brody's low-fat (translate that into high carb) cookbook
- The Gone with the Wind Cookbook (translate that into delicious)
- Indian vegetarian
- Indian meat-based
- Cooking Light magazines
- Atkins newsletters
- lots of others
I recovered from the diet life before the South Beach Diet became popular.
I alter the recipes whenever I darn well feel like. For example, in Jane Brody's, I add more oil to the Zucchini bread recipe. Yum!
Think about it. Now that you're a normal eater, you can use ALL your cookbooks! Isn't that exciting? Not only that, but if you have company, and your company is on a specific diet, you can pull out the right cookbook.
Of course, make sure you only use the delicious recipes.
I often cook with no cookbook at all, though, and that's because now that I'm not afraid to fry and to eat fatty foods, cooking is simpler. Yesterday I stuck four lambchops under the broiler, and served them with microwaved red potatoes topped with real butter. It was so simple, and so delicious because I didn't have to doctor up anything to make it taste better.
All I did was wait until I was hungry before eating. And then I stopped when I felt, in my best judgment, that I was eighty percent full.
By the way, ever wonder how a mom fixated on hunger-sensitivity manages to feed four kids and still get out of the kitchen? Not easily. But my kids all now know how to use the microwave. I taught them just as soon as they could handle it. And that helps a lot. I cook their food, and then when they're hungry, they heat it up (with supervision.)
That's why God invented microwaves.
Hey. There's no rule here. Out of room on your shelves? You only use the web for recipes now? Fine. Get rid of the cookbooks. I'm only suggesting yet another way to steer clear of black and white thinking.
If I ever get rid of some of my cookbooks in the name of space-saving, I'll toss the ones with no pictures. I love cookbooks with pictures.
If you're a member of Diet Survivors, or you read this blog, there's never a need to buy a book. But if you would like to read a book, here's one written by the author of this blog:
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
The people I admire most are usually ordinary folks who exhibit a dose of wisdom and grace. As a mom of young kids, my social life tends to center around the school playground, where there is no shortage of fellow moms to admire.
I wonder if admiring others is a lost art. It seems to me that it sharpens our own sense of what's important when we look for it and exalt it in others. It also gives us a mirror, by which to become self-aware, and to make adjustments.
Think about who you admire. Are their admirable traits wrapped up in how they look? Did you realize that's what you were valuing? Make an adjustment.
Or perhaps they are people who overcame an obstacle or sadness in their lives. You could dig around a bit and found out what their thinking was that led to their success. Most folks love to be helpful, especially when they get to talk about themselves.
Sometimes we can get insight from folks whose lives are quite different from ours. One of those people on my kids' school playground is a professional singer. I had a job interview coming up, after many years of shelter as a homemaker, and I was pretty nervous. Actually, I was terrified. So I figured I'd ask this singer, "How do you cope with your terror?" Good question to ask a singer.
"Oh," she said simply. "Terror is my friend."
In other words, she's used to having terror hanging around. She said to be too calm is to risk a bad performance, and that you "can't unsing a note." After talking to this woman I admire, I felt ready for the interview.
I think finding people to admire has everything to do with recovery from eating issues. If you were to hang around the twelve-step rooms a while (those are the addiction groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc.), you would soon hear this slogan, "Stick with the winners."
You cannot stick with the winners if you are not somewhat discerning about who the winners are. That means really paying attention to people. I'd venture to say that the winners in the world of food issues are those with wisdom and a reasonable weight (or approaching one) and who have gone back to living their lives.
If you're a little open about your problem (do it carefully, and use discernment), you'll find those people, and they'll assist you. Why envy them when they're the ones that can help you most?
"Stick with the winners" also means keeping your commisserating with the losers (those that seem to stay stuck too long) to a minimum. Yes, it's nice to vent, and to find others who struggle, too, but venting has its limits. You want real solutions, right?
Here's a big mistake strugglers make: they see a thin person without food issues and assume that this person could not possibly have had problems in the past. In fact, they figure that this thin healthy person must be lucky and have a good metabolism. It's not true. And if it were, that means no human being on this earth is able to do what you're trying to do, right?
Find who you admire. Be discerning. Stick with the winners. Find out how they won. People have a good capacity to heal each other--even in cyberspace. Then you can win too.
If you're a member of Diet Survivors, or you read this blog, there's never a need to buy a book. But if you would like to read a book, here's one written by the author of this blog:
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
What does it mean to "go on a diet"? Strangely, in our country it seems that it often means one of these two irrational plans:
1. Figure out a way to eat the exact same amount of food I've been eating before but reduce the total number of calories in it by removing some of the fat and/or sugar. No thoughts on how I'll tolerate such awful tasting food, but I must have willpower. No plan for what to do after the weight is gone.
2. Remove all carbohydrates so that my body goes into ketosis and burns off the food as fuel instead of storing it as fat. No thoughts on how I'll tolerate not eating bread or potatoes or nuts or beans or rice or pasta, but I must have willpower. No plan for what I'll do after the weight is gone.
Moreover, both of these plans fail to take into account why the extra weight was there to begin with, and they both assume it's okay for the diet to be in charge.
Both the above plans contain some odd assumptions: it's okay to eat something other than what your body craves, it's okay to unbalance your food, and you must go on eating large portions, otherwise you won't be satisfied. Convinced that diets are irrational?
The tried and true method is to learn how to wait until you're hungry, and stop when you're eighty percent full. Eat delicious, fat-laden, carb-laden foods, and be sure and get a little sugar every day (barring any medical restrictions). It really works!
Did you know that people have inner food wisdom? Find yours. It's time to trust yourself, and your ability to find reasonableness.
Changing our habits involves changing the words we use.
If you're an extremist with your diets, or you're a black and white thinker, meditate on the word reasonableness today. Try even using it once or twice in conversation, and see how it makes you feel.
You can get your arms around this idea, and you can regain your control. And don't let anybody convince you otherwise.
If you're a member of Diet Survivors, or you read this blog, there's never a need to buy a book. But if you would like to read a book, here's one written by the author of this blog:
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Based on the title of this entry, I'll bet you think you know what I'm going to say. But you're probably wrong. I believe in magic cures, and will find every last one that I can.
Recently a Diet Survivors message board member asked what she could do about her obesity, given that she's already intuitively eating, and given that she has a medical condition that limits her ability to lose weight.
Obesity is not just about aesthetics. It can severely limit our independence and impair our quality of life.
I am not a doctor or a nutritionist. This blog represents my personal opinion. I'm about to say something carefully and with caution. Know that my personal opinions on this subject do not represent the majority of the non-dieting experts. But it needs to be said, because even the non-dieting community ends up unwittingly imposing rules and inducing guilt. So here goes.
Ya know how some critics look at obesity and posit that it's got to be hard work, and that there's no magic cure? That there's no easy way out? I don't buy this argument. I think the medical experts are still working on a magic cure for obesity and when they find it, I'll be all for it.
This doesn't mean that an obese person of the future can't benefit as well from some psychotherapy. After all, ALL of us are broken in some way, and ALL of us can gain insight from some deep probing with the help of an expert.
I look at it this way. Take for example a woman who comes into adulthood with depression or explosive anger. She may get some psychotherapy, and that helps, but more is known now about the genetic component to these issues, and ultimately what gets her back on track to a happy life is her little white anti-depressant. Magic cure? Pretty much.
There are other conditions which sometimes have a psychological or behavioral component, for which doctors do offer remedies such as medicine and surgery. None of them are magic cures yet, but they are at least remedies that can improve your quality of life. Here are just a few, out of thousands:
- Aging
- Allergies
- Arthritis
- Alzheimer's Disease
- Asthma
- Back Pain
- Cancer
- Diabetes
- Digestive Problems
- Heart Disease
- Heroin addiction
- High Blood Pressure
- Joint Problems
- Lung Diseases
- Migraines
- Nicotine addiction
- Schizophrenia
- STDs
- Sleep Problems
- Urinary Tract Problems
Yet do we tell people with these conditions that they must not seek a cure other than psychotherapy? That there's no easy way out? That they must get to the root of their every last psychological problem first? No we don't.
How many people do you know that have had so much psychotherapy that they've solved their every last problem? I don't know any.
And herein lies the problem with "there's no magic cure to weight loss." This statement presumes that an obese person has to solve his every last problem, probe into every last childhood corner, before he's permitted to start losing some weight.
This is awfully harsh, and nobody else but the obese are expected to do this. Even heroin addicts are offered methadone.
All of us but the obese seem to receive permission to limp along in our humanness, and are not punished by having to wear our weaknesses outwardly in the form of excess weight.
Where am I going with this? The medical community doesn't have a cure yet for obesity, but they're working on it. They do have surgeries, such as gastric bypass and similar surgeries. They're not perfect.
I believe these surgeries have some merit. If your quality of life is so limited by your obesity that you're willing to take the risks of surgery, then get into a good program and consider it.
Remember to get therapy to help you deal with emotions, too. That way, you won't trade in overeating for a new addiction.
But the truth is that obesity surgeries save lives. They prevent heart attacks and they offer some quality of life.
Magic cure? If you want to call it that, it's okay with me. I'll like it even better when they take away the risks and side effects. But such is the state of all medical cures today. They still have a down side.
Don't let any non-dieting guru make you feel guilty for wanting a cure. If there's one for you, talk to your doctor.
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Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Maybe we overuse the word "normal" but doesn't it depend upon the context?
Karen R. Koenig wrote a book called The Rules of Normal Eating for those of us whose eating is whacked out. And that's a good thing, I think. It's a relief to return to normal eating.
If you haven't done it yet, I can attest to the contentment that comes from eating normally!
But what about in other areas of our lives? Some folks make a goal of trying to be normal, but did you know that many confident, happy people would be quick to admit they're far from normal?
As with anything else, we need to nuance this. Become normal where it matters, but in the bigger picture, dare to be different! Ultimately, much happiness can be found in one's ability to see shades of gray, and to think critically instead of painting life with such a broad, single-colored brush.
So learn to eat normally. That's a worthy goal. But do it your own way, in your own style. And don't chase "normal" too hard. It will only make you boring, like wholesome, plain old bran muffins.
Find your OWN way to think about your body and food. Find your OWN wisdom about what you need. Yes, it's a balancing act. Follow some sensible guidelines (such as eat dinner before dessert most days) but if you're trying to psych out the magic formula, it doesn't exist.
Blaze your own trail.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
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Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Do you putter? That's my way of cleaning around the house. A little here and a little here, with no real goal but to clean and tidy what's bugging me the most.
Once in a while, I go all out.
I didn't used to clean this way. I used to think I had to have a plan. I had to go room by room and be thorough.
But in reality, it meant I hardly ever cleaned at all. And I knocked myself out when I did clean, exhausted afterward.
Some people eat the way I used to clean. All or nothing. Binge or starve. Follow the plan. Use brute force to stick with it. Get depressed when you don't. Obsess.
Eating by puttering is normal. We try a bite here, and forkful there. We sometimes don't eat at all.
We eat according to whims, and according to our fancy. We eat by what's bugging us. Mostly we eat a little at a time, a bunch of small meals over the course of the day.
We eat sensibly. Just as we wouldn't use furniture polish on the windows, we don't eat dessert for dinner.
Once in a while, such as on holidays, we go all out.
Eating by puttering is normal eating.
If you do neither cleaning nor eating by puttering, pick one to start with, and then eventually use it to instruct you in how to do the other. Or start puttering both.
Puttering is sacred. Puttering is healthy. Eat by puttering.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
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Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Is hunger awful?
Disgruntled dieters like to say they're tired of hunger. But that was the gnawing, empty, deprived hunger arising from a life of restriction and disgusting bland food. It's what you're running away from, right?
As you learn to eat normally, with balanced meals and intuition, you may find to your pleasant surprise that getting good and hungry before chowing down feels really good.
Actually, getting hungry is a normal part of the hunger and fullness cycle, and is what allows food to taste so good.
But dieters seem to get hooked on either never being hungry, filling up constantly on fat-free pretzels or diet soda, or getting overly hungry as a means to lose weight.
If you believe in one of the two methods, it will be hard for you to learn normal eating. Why?
We are meant to get hungry and then respond to the hunger by eating. Barring any special medical conditions, getting hungry is perfectly safe and normal. Not only that, you can embrace it.
Hunger is a good thing. Hunger means that the food will taste good. Have you ever noticed that food tastes better when you're good and hungry?
Interestingly, if you stick with the hunger and fullness method, it means you're committed to eating only delicious food. Diet food will never satisfy again.
As a normal eater, you will run into a new problem. On the occasion when you're late for your plane and stuck eating airline food, you may have no choice but to eat something less than desirable. Be prepared to feel disappointed, right up until the next meal.
Given all the pain you've caused yourself by dieting, and knowing that as a normal eater you will be occasionally disappointed, ask yourself which is better.
Just remember that once you're hungry, you don't have to stay that way. Once you have a stomach growl, or whatever is your personal hunger sign, go ahead and eat at the next convenient time.
It's better in most cases to go ahead and eat if your schedule allows, because staying hungry for too long can cause headaches and that tired old feeling of deprivation.
But if you have to wait a little longer, that's okay too. You can tolerate it. The stress caused by a little hunger is tolerable.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
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Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Can you really quit dieting? And what does that mean?
Did you know that people without emotional problems can actually go on a diet, lose weight, then eat sensibly? In other words, they can diet successfully. But how many people do you know without emotional problems? Very few.
And then there are the rest of us. If we're lucky, we wake up and realize one day that dieting isn't working for us.
Each of us h as different problems with diets, but see if you recognize yourself somewhere in this list. Here are a few things it could mean to quit dieting:
To quit dieting means:
To stop following your plan.
To quit attending your diet group.
To stop sneaking food at night.
To stop trying to "be good" in public.
To stop altering what's in your food.
To stop incessantly weighing yourself.
To stop counting calories or points in your head while watching your kid's baseball game.
To stop feeling deprived.
To stop feeling the need to binge.
To stop putting your life on hold until you lose "the weight."
Sound Too Good to be True?
The hardest thing about quitting the diet life is the grief over lost time. Grieving requires some courage.
Find your courage today. Learn about normal eating. But first free yourself from the diet mentality. Quit now. Go "cold turkey."
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
What exactly is normal eating, anyway? Is it a new plan? Where are the instructions?
Whether we call it normal eating or intuitive eating or non-dieting doesn't matter. The reason we're all here is because diets didn't work for us.
Normal eating, then, is first and foremost a surrender. To borrow from substance abuse meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous: "We admitted we were powerless over diets--that our lives had become unmanageable."
To start simply, a normal eater ditches all the diet food, replacing it with real food, and learns to eat when hungry and stop when full.
And now I present to you some objections your own mind could be conjuring up right now:
1. But I don't trust myself. I'll binge all day and all night.
2. But I need a plan to follow.
3. But I'm too afraid I'll gain more weight.
4. But I won't know how to act around relatives. They'll think I've lost my discipline.
5. But when I'm eating, I know no end. I won't know when to stop.
6. But food meets many of my needs. I won't be able to cope emotionally.
7. But food is my best friend. Now you're telling me to lose my best friend.
8. But I'll feel guilty if I eat delicious food.
These objections, and many more, fall into the category of faulty beliefs. These are the beliefs that drive what we actually do in spite of what we say we're going to do.
And therein lies the rest of the work--in addressing the faulty beliefs. In fact, to become a normal eater, you'll follow two paths at once.
Path One:
Learning what it means to sense your hunger and sense your fullness.
Learning what a reasonable portion size is for you.
Learning to approximate a reasonable portion size using your own intuition.
Learning to enjoy food again.
Path Two:
This path is about addressing all those objections. Your internal objections, your beliefs about weight diet and body image, and your worries and fears are actually faulty beliefs.
But don't worry. You're not alone. Every human being is hampered by some kind of faulty beliefs. Yours are about food and diets.
As you follow this journey with help from maybe a book or two, and perhaps a good message board to share with fellow journeyers, you can address each of these faulty beliefs as they come into your conscious mind.
You will learn to examine each one, look for any basis in reality, then adjust your belief to something closer to reality. For example, the fact that you don't trust yourself is understandable, but does this mean you'll never be able to trust yourself? When you realize you don't know the answer to this, new possibilities open up, don't they?
See if you can put your objections on hold for just a little while, and bask in this new idea that diets don't work for you and therefore probably never will. Get used to the idea that you are no longer a dieter, but rather, a person surrendering the whole notion of dieting. Then ponder what's around the corner. It's good stuff.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
