Once in a while, I go all out.

I didn't used to clean this way. I used to think I had to have a plan. I had to go room by room and be thorough.

But in reality, it meant I hardly ever cleaned at all. And I knocked myself out when I did clean, exhausted afterward.

Some people eat the way I used to clean. All or nothing. Binge or starve. Follow the plan. Use brute force to stick with it. Get depressed when you don't. Obsess.

Eating by puttering is normal. We try a bite here, and forkful there. We sometimes don't eat at all.

We eat according to whims, and according to our fancy. We eat by what's bugging us. Mostly we eat a little at a time, a bunch of small meals over the course of the day.

We eat sensibly. Just as we wouldn't use furniture polish on the windows, we don't eat dessert for dinner.

Once in a while, such as on holidays, we go all out.

Eating by puttering is normal eating.

If you do neither cleaning nor eating by puttering, pick one to start with, and then eventually use it to instruct you in how to do the other. Or start puttering both.

Puttering is sacred. Puttering is healthy. Eat by puttering.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

Disgruntled dieters like to say they're tired of hunger. But that was the gnawing, empty, deprived hunger arising from a life of restriction and disgusting bland food. It's what you're running away from, right?

As you learn to eat normally, with balanced meals and intuition, you may find to your pleasant surprise that getting good and hungry before chowing down feels really good.

Actually, getting hungry is a normal part of the hunger and fullness cycle, and is what allows food to taste so good.

But dieters seem to get hooked on either never being hungry, filling up constantly on fat-free pretzels or diet soda, or getting overly hungry as a means to lose weight.

If you believe in one of the two methods, it will be hard for you to learn normal eating. Why?

We are meant to get hungry and then respond to the hunger by eating. Barring any special medical conditions, getting hungry is perfectly safe and normal. Not only that, you can embrace it.

Hunger is a good thing. Hunger means that the food will taste good. Have you ever noticed that food tastes better when you're good and hungry?

Interestingly, if you stick with the hunger and fullness method, it means you're committed to eating only delicious food. Diet food will never satisfy again.

As a normal eater, you will run into a new problem. On the occasion when you're late for your plane and stuck eating airline food, you may have no choice but to eat something less than desirable. Be prepared to feel disappointed, right up until the next meal.

Given all the pain you've caused yourself by dieting, and knowing that as a normal eater you will be occasionally disappointed, ask yourself which is better.

Just remember that once you're hungry, you don't have to stay that way. Once you have a stomach growl, or whatever is your personal hunger sign, go ahead and eat at the next convenient time.

It's better in most cases to go ahead and eat if your schedule allows, because staying hungry for too long can cause headaches and that tired old feeling of deprivation.

But if you have to wait a little longer, that's okay too. You can tolerate it. The stress caused by a little hunger is tolerable.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

Did you know that people without emotional problems can actually go on a diet, lose weight, then eat sensibly? In other words, they can diet successfully. But how many people do you know without emotional problems? Very few.

And then there are the rest of us. If we're lucky, we wake up and realize one day that dieting isn't working for us.

Each of us h as different problems with diets, but see if you recognize yourself somewhere in this list. Here are a few things it could mean to quit dieting:

Sound Too Good to be True?

The hardest thing about quitting the diet life is the grief over lost time. Grieving requires some courage.

Find your courage today. Learn about normal eating. But first free yourself from the diet mentality. Quit now. Go "cold turkey."

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

Normal eating, then, is first and foremost a surrender. To borrow from substance abuse meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous: "We admitted we were powerless over diets--that our lives had become unmanageable."

To start simply, a normal eater ditches all the diet food, replacing it with real food, and learns to eat when hungry and stop when full.

And now I present to you some objections your own mind could be conjuring up right now:

1. But I don't trust myself. I'll binge all day and all night.
2. But I need a plan to follow.
3. But I'm too afraid I'll gain more weight.
4. But I won't know how to act around relatives. They'll think I've lost my discipline.
5. But when I'm eating, I know no end. I won't know when to stop.
6. But food meets many of my needs. I won't be able to cope emotionally.
7. But food is my best friend. Now you're telling me to lose my best friend.
8. But I'll feel guilty if I eat delicious food.

These objections, and many more, fall into the category of faulty beliefs. These are the beliefs that drive what we actually do in spite of what we say we're going to do.

And therein lies the rest of the work--in addressing the faulty beliefs. In fact, to become a normal eater, you'll follow two paths at once.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

Or maybe your relatives have been driving you crazy, and you want to do something about it. All of us struggle to some degree with when to make a stink and when to let something go.

If you're ready for a new way to think about the difference, maybe this will help--try distinguishing between frustration and injustice.

Life is full of frustration, and because we're social creatures, many of those frustrations come from co-existing with other people. When you're getting upset, ask yourself whether the source is just a frustration, or a true injustice.

Suppose you gave a large donation to a charity, and then they misspelled your name in the credits. That would be a frustration over human error. You might initially be offended, but you can set that aside when you realize there was no ill intent and no ill effect. If you let this go, and refrain from commenting on it, you won't likely harbor resentment and you won't be participating in enabling bad behavior.

Or, in the same vein, suppose you and your small children just moved to a new neighborhood, and then your next-door-neighbor starts building a pool. Even with the fence, you're a new parent, and you're nervous.

It's very frustrating, but as long as your neighbor is complying with the law, this is not an injustice. It's up to you whether you decide to quietly move away. Or perhaps you can gradually help your neighbor get to know and become attached to your children, in the hopes that this will prompt your neighbor to help look out for your kids.

None of these examples were necessarily injustices, but they sure can be frustrating.

Everyone has frustrations--they're just part of life. When you let them go, you can find some peace in knowing you are already doing all that is appropriate. You laugh at the misspelling, and you make sure your kids are fenced into your own yard, and that you're watching them closely.

But what if you think you have been passed over for a promotion because of your race? Or perhaps a loved one is injured by a drunk driver.

People sure can be frustrating, and we don't always agree with their beliefs or lifestyle, but there's another component here--these events are also injustices.

Sometimes a frustration is tugging at you because it's really an injustice. With some thought-time, if you realize there's a true injustice, then pursue it. But even then, there's more than one way to correct an injustice.

Case in point. My disabled son brings many frustrations to my life, and one of those happened when he got off the bus from his field trip and his glasses were gone. They were nowhere to be found. Apparently, his aide, who is supposed to watch out for him, was not with him for part of the day. The school was all too happy to let it go.

This frustration was bugging me, and I started to realize it's an injustice that the school isn't doing anything about it. So I decided it was worth it to me to contact the Director of Special Education. She pursued it as far as she could--the bus company was contacted and the site of the field trip was searched, but in the end the business office still did not offer to compensate us in any way.

Rather than pursue it further, as I'm rather busy doing better things, I decided a different way to correct the injustice--one that I have control over--one that would allow me to let go of my resentment. I stopped my charitable giving to the school. I ceased all giving until I felt that the expense was made up.

No anger. I felt in control again. Problem easily solved. Yes it's true that I didn't solve the problem for anyone else, but in this case, I'm satisfied with how far I've taken it. And now the special ed office is on the alert that my son did not have his aide with him when he should have been. The department can quietly correct that problem without me.

If you've had difficulty knowing when to pipe up, try testing the issue with this sharp division between frustration and injustice. You might be surprised to find that most of the time, it's just a plain old frustration.

And remember, frustration, and even occasional injustices, are part of life. You can tolerate them. You can even do something about them sometimes. But you don't have to eat in response to the feelings!

In the one case, if you realize it's just a frustration, you can remind yourself that all of life has frustrations and that you can tolerate them. The feelings will thus fade on their own, without your having to do something to chase them away.

On the other hand, if you determine that there was an injustice, instead of eating those feelings, you can decide upon a constructive act that will allow you to feel better. Either way, you won't need to eat in order to numb those ugly feelings.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

I found you out? This behavior may be more common than you think. You are not alone! You may as well admit your secret to someone because, as they say, "You're only as sick as your secrets." But of course, find only a safe person to tell.

One key to recovery from binge eating is to stop thinking in black and white. Simple, yet difficult. It's time to allow yourself the luxury of stopping arbitrarily, right in the middle of the binge. If you can do that, you can recover.

Each time a binge starts, decide to stop arbitrarily. Celebrate every time you do that. Each time, you'll be able to stop earlier and earlier because you'll feel so good about achieving "arbitrariness."

Remember, the disorder won't go away overnight. But if you keep thinking in "shades of gray," rather than "black and white," if you discard notions of having to stop at midnight, or only when you're in pain, or only when all the ice cream's gone, if you can achieve "arbitrariness," then you will eventually be able to stop before it starts. And that's as good as it gets.

But that sounds pretty good to me.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

Did you know that when it comes to eating, white knuckling never works? Those of you who know me, know that it's rare for me to say something so "black and white" as NEVER or ALWAYS.

But I've been around people recovering from eating issues long enough to boldly say that if you white knuckle your weight loss, it will backfire, at some point in the future.

Here are some ways people "white knuckle" their weight loss, all the while telling themselves that this will get them to their goal:

1. Eating food they don't like, such as vats of green soup
2. Taking some of the taste away, such as pancakes with syrup but no butter
3. Skipping breakfast or some other meal
4. Replacing a meal with a repulsive meal replacement

One woman lost one hundred pounds using one of those membership weight loss programs. When asked how she feels, she answered, "Oh I'm hungry all the time."

Do you really think this gal can last? Your body will inevitably rebel if it thinks it's hungry. You can't fool mother nature!

But what to do instead? Be abundantly kind to your body. The only answer is to practice finding your hunger signals and your fullness signals, and obeying them the best you can. Add to that a reasonable diet, including small amounts of everything, including dessert.

Check out an array of helpful books on Amazon.com.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

When we were all dieting, back in the bad old days, what made us think we could extract food from the rest of our lives? Eat different foods from those around us? Weigh and measure it? What were we thinking?

It's a mistake to vilify the importance of food. There's no getting away from eating as a social activity, and there's no need to, either.

The only diet tool I've ever seen that really works in all settings is eating small amounts and stopping when eighty percent full.

No matter where you are, you can do that. Yes I know that at your Italian mother-in-law's house, there's some pressure to eat big amounts, but you can learn to push food around on your plate, break the big wad of Italian bread in half, and cover everything with a napkin.

When questioned, say, "It was delicious. But I just couldn't eat that much." Then resist the pressure. (A nod to Gwen Shamblin for this suggestion.)

Sometimes it's other people that have to get over it, not you. But at least you're not insisting on skim milk for your coffee or sugar-free shrimp cocktail sauce. In other words, of all the diet demands made on dinner hosts nowadays, requiring only small portions is the kindest of them.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Email Subscribe!

While it's true I've discovered normal eating, that doesn't make me normal. In fact, from day to day I still struggle with self-acceptance. And I don't mean of the "I don't like myself today" variety. It's way more extreme. It rears its ugly head especially when I'm tired.

To measure up, I gotta compare myself with the worst criminals ever living. That's why I read true crime before falling asleep. Right now, I'm reading every book ever written about the Green River Killer, the serial killer disguised as a nice guy that took the lives of over 40 women before he got caught.

I've read so much about him that I've learned some intimate details of his life, and even have grown to like the guy, in a twisted kind of way.

Which brings us back around to normal eating. The Green River Killer, it turns out, was a normal eater. (Well, I suppose he still is now that he's behind bars.)

He used to say such mundane and level-headed things as "I've had enough food for today." And that was that. He'd stop eating for the day, even if his gentle wife would offer him a delectable slice of cheesecake. As a result, he stays slim and trim.

There's really no point to this entry, except to say let's ditch the idea that we have to "achieve" some kind of wellness before we can eat normally. How about do what the Green River Killer did (I don't mean the killing.) I mean, say, "I've had enough food for today."

And know forever that you don't have to be right in the head in order to learn normal eating. What a relief, huh? Not one of us is entirely right in the head anyway.

I hope my readers can take this in the right light. I never mean to make light of a killer. But sometimes we just gotta laugh at ourselves, and I'm sure some of my readers can identify.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

It's understandable, especially for those who have had binge eating disorder. It can take a while after ending the bingeing to be able to find fullness again.

It's also understandable in light of how diets make us follow rigid rules and ignore what our bodies are telling us!

It's time to start believing in your own wisdom and judgment. Even with a guideline, you're the only one around who will know when you're full.

So try asking yourself toward the end of a meal, "Am I about eighty percent full?" Eighty percent is a good place to stop. Then do your human best to find approximately 80 percent, and stop eating.

If numbers don't work for you, then ask yourself, "Will this next bite be hunger or greed?" You'll know what to do after that.

Don't eat again until you're hungry. And don't forget, eat only delicious food.

Finding fullness is an art of approximation, not a science. The amazing thing is, when it comes to eating, approximate really is good enough.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Well well well! That's by design. Here's my thinking. My vision for people who come to the Diet Survivors message board is for them to find their OWN wisdom, their OWN critical thinking.

In my opinion, the most devastating result of dieting is a surrender of one's individuality and sense of reason.

By infusing my personality in the Diet Survivors materials and on the board, and reinforcing my name, I'm always endeavoring for people to know when it's me speaking.

That's because I'm always trying, in my own small way, to MODEL critical thinking.

That's why one member recently commented that I take her by surprise in the things I say.

I don't do it to be contrary. I do it because I'm not totally subscribed to anything, including normal eating. Rather, I simply try to be an intellectual about things. That's what I'm modeling.

That's why people on this board are not being turned into normal-eating crazies. They're not becoming militant and rigid about yet a new thing.

There's a modicum of truth in every idea--even dieting. I'm certain that a small segment of the population does okay with a formal diet. Why say otherwise? Saying otherwise only promulgates more lies.

Haven't we had enough lies from the diet industry? How about if our new approach to life, our new world view, be an intellectual one? The intellectual approach holds little room for sweeping generalizations and broad brushes.  

For those of you who feel lost, those who've wandered into extreme religions, extreme diets, a spartan lifestyle, have addictions or compulsions, or any other polarized way of approaching the world, and who are sick of it, here's a suggestion.

Begin to think of yourself as an emerging intellectual. You don't have to be bookish. Just willing to set your mind to things. You'd be amazed at how freeing it is. Be a free thinker.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

I don't know about you, but when I wear something tight, I construe it as pressure to lose weight.

That kind of pressure backfires, whether you actually need to lose the weight or not.

Be comfortable. And don't feel guilty about all the clothes you can't wear right now. It's part of the cost of being human. Hide them under your bed. Out of sight, out of mind.

I don't know if many of you realize this, but humor is an effective part of learning normal eating, and learning so many other things too. Laughing at yourself will actually take you through the process faster.

Some folks come into adulthood and beyond, never really learning to laugh at themselves or finding humor in things, but I've observed that people seem to be able to learn this at any age.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes in the name of self-loving, we erroneously refrain from goofing on our own frailties. But the truth is that when we are secure and confident, we are also secure and confident about our foibles and weaknesses. I goof on mine all the time. I have so many!

It's interesting to me that Karen R. Koenig, my favorite normal eating guru, is the same way. We even call ourselves "stupid" from time to time. It's fun.

Has anyone here noticed that when you embrace normal eating, you find out that some things you learned are turned on their heads? Conventional wisdom turns out to be wrong on so many fronts, including humor.
We discover we were misled.

Gwen Shamblin, author of the Christian book The Weigh Down Diet, calls this phenomenon "opposite world."

Think a little bit opposite today. Try and see what it's like to lovingly goof on yourself. Let yourself laugh hard. You'll find your way out of your eating dysfunction faster. No kidding.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Normal Eating blog

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors newsletter

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Much is known today about eating disorders, including the fact that they are often caused by diets. Dieters with disordered eating will often redouble their dieting efforts, thinking the disordered eating will somehow straighten out after the weight loss. But it's a lie.

The diet industry has sold us a bill of goods. Diets won't cure anything, and for many of you, as long as you keep trying to lose weight, you will always be limited in your ability to regain normal eating.

Nobody is going to fix this for you, except you. Ultimately, you may be faced with a decision. Do you want your life back? Do you want to act like a normal person when you're at a party, eating what and when you like, removing all compulsion to binge in reaction to restriction?

It might be time for you. Have you hit rock bottom yet? If not, decide that you'd rather not wait until it's that bad. Instead, find the normal eating track, and put off your weight loss goals for now. You won't regret it.

Living life normally while overweight is probably far better than the roller coaster you're currently on.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Normal Eating blog

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors newsletter

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now

Especially when she feels she has embarrassed herself, or committed some real or imagined social faux pas, she turns to food. Somehow, the food is a friend, and a solution, and a source of numbing her feelings.

Having been raised in an alcoholic home, she believes that she is handling her life much better by turning to food than to alcohol. However, sometimes she wistfully reflects, and wishes she could be like those other people she knows who don't seem to need food for comfort.

Christina has tried stoically avoiding food when upset, but it just calls her name too loudly. When she starts a new diet, everything goes great for a while. She can even avoid eating for comfort, because she's on a high from her new diet and initial weight loss.

But eventually, it all comes crashing in. She turns to her old friend, whom she is increasingly regarding as more of an enemy than a friend. Other times she resigns herself to a life of overeating and overweight. Sometimes when she's upset with herself, she just can't wait to get to the supermarket and stock up.

What is emotional eating?

The DSM-IV, (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) published and copyrighted by the American Psychiatric Association, does not define emotional eating specifically. However, it does recognize binge eating as a disorder.

It is generally recognized in the field of psychology that emotions play a part
in the behavior of many overeaters. Put simply, emotional eaters have a relationship with food. As an emotional eater, Christina
might eat in response to any of these emotions and some not on this list:

• anger


• feeling worthless


• resentment


• feeling unappreciated


• embarrassment


• shame


• stress


• boredom


• lack of control


• hopelessness


• depression


• loneliness

But your emotions are not to blame!

Everyone has emotions, but not everyone overeats. Therefore, Christina doesn't have to do anything about her emotions. Emotions come and go. What lies behind those emotions, however, is self-talk. Sometimes self-talk causes the emotions. Other times, self-talk aggravates existing emotions. Either way, Christina's problem is the self-talk and faulty beliefs, not the emotions.

So self-talk causes emotional eating?

The answer is yes. What we tell ourselves and what we believe, lead to exaggerated feelings that take over our rational minds.

Here are just a few possible examples of Christina's beliefs and self-talk. Notice the "musts" and beliefs about what is intolerable.

• Feeling embarrassed is intolerable.


• Feeling lonely is intolerable.


• All uncomfortable feelings are intolerable.


• When I'm feeling bad I must get rid of the feeling right away.


• I deserve a little comfort.

Once Christina identifies some of her faulty beliefs, such as those listed above, she can then replace her beliefs with more rational beliefs and self-talk. She will be helped most if she is willing to write them down and spend a few minutes each day reading them. In this way, her new self-talk will eventually become part of her thinking.

Here are a few examples of what she might write:

• I can tolerate making a fool of myself.


• If I'm willing to experience bad feelings, I'll be able to take more emotional risks in life.


• Feeling foolish is part of life, and part of living fully.


• I don't need to numb those feelings in any way. I can let them fade away.


• I can find new ways to stay busy while the feelings fade. That's different from denial or trying to numb them.


• Excessive emotional eating is a form of substance abuse.


• It's not terrible if I find myself eating in response to emotions. As soon as I notice it, I can simply say, "Okay, I've had enough of that."


• In the long run, constantly overeating doesn't comfort me after all because there's nothing comfortable about being overweight!


• Everyone occasionally derives comfort from food. It's a matter of degree.

Journaling your beliefs is the key to freedom. That's because once you're a little aware of what you're believing, you can change it at any time. More rational beliefs lead to more tolerable emotions.

"Concern" usually remains as an emotion, but concern is something we can handle. Now that Christina is journaling her beliefs, she is still concerned about embarrassing herself, but she is no longer "freaking out" when it happens. Now she's free to learn how to even laugh about it.

Journaling for even just a few weeks can be enough to help you be aware of your beliefs and self-talk.

Click on the book cover for more information

Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)

Diet Survivors meditations

Diet Survivors message board

Food and Feelings message board

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.

Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating

Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now