Changing your thinking

There are always new layers of the onion to peel. There are always new things we'd like to learn to do.

As some of you know, I'm learning to stick up for myself better. I used to vacillate between quiet passivity and clobbering people for screwing up.

I learned from cognitive therapy that we live in a world in which people mess up sometimes. Sometimes it's even WE who mess up. By unspoken social contract, we treat each other in a civil, cordial manner when there's an injustice or when someone has failed to comply with rules and laws. Interestingly, when you go to court, even if you win the dispute, you don't get compensated for being inconvenienced.

Knowing this has taken the edge off of my frustration when sticking up for myself. Now I can do it without regret afterward. And now it's not such a big deal to do it.

Now, when I mutter to myself, "I shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't have to make this phone call...yada yada yada," I stop myself and say "Why not? What am I expecting? Perfection?"

So today I called the town to inquire how to get my neighbor to shovel his walk. This was the second call, because yesterday I called them to tell them about a DIFFERENT piece of the same walk that the town was supposed to shovel.

They came out later yesterday. Today they told me that residential shovelling is handled by the police because it's a town ordinance. So then I called the police.

With each phone call, which took up my precious time, I was polite and cordial. And it's all being handled.

I feel real good. I think I left those folks on the other end of the phone happy to work with me again in the future.

And by tomorrow, perhaps, my children will be able to walk to school safely.

This is BIG progress for me. Sticking up for myself is becoming less and less of a big deal. But it wasn't because of a technical change--do you see that? It was a change in my THINKING.

If you change your THINKING, then normal eating will become easier and easier. It will be less of a big deal over time.

Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.