December 2006 Archives

Are you an emotional eater? Need some structure to recover? At last, there's a workbook to help you.

Karen R. Koenig is a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in helping her patients use cognitive therapy techniques to recover from eating disorders and diet addiction.

Not sure you want to make the investment? Check out some of Ms. Koenig's wisdom first, absolutely for free. I asked Ms. Koenig this question on my Diet Survivors message board, and I have excerpted both the question and answer here:

Linda's question:

Karen, I've noticed that binge eating disorder has an addictive component. In your years of experience with patients recovering from BED (Binge Eating Disorder), what is the single most important thing they do that helps them recover? What trait in a patient encourages you that they will get past their disorder?

Karen's answer:
Linda asked an excellent question, which goes to the heart of recovering from any disorder. I'd say the trait that wins out over all others is sheer determination. When I counsel/teach, I know that people who are willing to work hard are going to make it.

Which isn't to say that people don't have mixed emotions, feel confused, have other issues to deal with. But the quality of I'm-gonna-lick-this-no-matter-what really stands out.

If you want to resolve eating problems [such as] binge-eating and all the others, you have to put it before all else--relationships, family, work. You have to want to be better more than:

1. You want other people to be happy
2. You want other people to like you
3. You want to be comfortable

That involves willingness to be confused, scared, ignorant, and uncertain of when and how you're going to turn things around. You have to trust the process above all else, listening to the voice inside that knows what's right for you.

Speaking specifically about binge-eating disorder, the more you can focus on emotions, the faster you'll recover. You binge mostly for emotional reasons, which is different than overeating when something tastes wonderful.

When bingeing, you hardly taste the food. It's all about losing yourself in something, when what is really needed is finding yourself--discovering your feelings, what sets you off.

Linda's comments on Karen's brilliant answer:

I find Karen's answer above fascinating. Here's why. All the right intentions and sheer determination in the world cannot, alone, bring recovery. After all, white knuckling our weight loss efforts never worked, right? Sheer determination without the right tools gets us nowhere, correct?

So why is it that in Ms. Koenig's experience, those with sheer determination succeed? It must be because Ms. Koenig is giving them the right guidance. She must be helping them get to the bottom of their emotional eating and addictions. In short, she must be a really good therapist.

So let's all flock to her town and sign up. We'll pack up and move. No? Ah yes, we can't all do that. But therein lies the beauty of my discovery. This woman, a font of knowledge, answers, and loving help, has written a workbook for all those of you who can't pick up and move to her town.

Let's see. Pack up and move your family to another part of the world? Or buy a book on Amazon. Hmmmm... Think think think. I know which one I'd pick. Not a bad deal, huh?

Look, if I had the time to write the book, I would have. But I met Karen in cyberspace, and am impressed with what she knows. I recommend this book over all other intuitive eating helps (other than mine, of course.) She doesn't just understand intuitive eating. She understands people.

If you're a beginner at intuitive eating, you might like to buy my book as well. They're both available on Amazon.com.

How to Survive Your Diet and Conquer Your Food Issues Forever by Linda Moran

The Food and Feelings Workbook: A Full Course Meal on Emotional Health by Karen R. Koenig

Do you struggle with this new approach of intuitive eating? You're not alone. Intuitive eating should be so simple, but you struggle every day::

You crave butter toffee candy. To indulge or not to indulge?

It used to be so simple when you were dieting. The answer was, of course, "no." Candy is bad, right? And then you ate it anyway, and felt guilty, which led to a binge.

Now, as if your dieting life wasn't complicated enough, you're being told to give in to your cravings. "Eat what you like, and the weight loss will follow" is the new intuitive eating adage.

Well, should I eat the butter toffee candy or not!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeesh, my intuition tells me "yes"!

How does one use intuition anyway?

We often think of intuition as a hunch, but in the context of eating, we need more information than we get from a hunch. The word "intuition" is a good one, though, because it suggests a few things:

1. We all have it inside us
2. It can feel somewhat automatic
3. We don't need a rule book
4. We won't all find the same answers
5. It's not a plan
6. It's a spur of the moment decision

But is there anything more? Sure. The best intuition of all is informed intuition. Let's look at a non-food example. A few generations ago, mothers relied entirely on their intuition to know if their babies were in trouble. It probably worked to some degree, but an occasional baby did die of choking, poisoning, or a lethal fall. Intuition alone isn't good enough.

Today we have knowledge about the most dangerous chemicals and household objects, along with some baby-proofing safeguards such as gates and outlet plugs

But today's mom knows she can't rely on only devices. Instead, she has "informed intuition." The smart mom knows that after all the baby-proofing, she still needs to stay tuned in to her baby's activities. The combination of information, safety devices, and intuition make for a safe and sound baby.

So it goes with eating. Today we have good information about healthy fats vs. unhealthy fats. We can make informed choices so we're not getting too many refined carbohydrates. We know that a reasonable portion of roast beef is about the size of our fist.

But do we rely entirely on food rules without tuning in to our bodies? To do so can lead to disaster. We've already tried this route and failed. It was called dieting.

Now we know we can use our intuition, too. We can "tune in" to our bodies in much the same way that mom tunes in to which strained vegetables her baby likes and dislikes. She's aware when baby is getting full. She backs off.

After years of chronic dieting, we need to learn our intuitive hunger and fullness signals, and we need to figure out our true likes and dislikes. But we also need to use our heads. If we've already had a slice of pecan pie today, do we really need those toffee candies? How about a few tangerine sections instead?

The best intuition is informed intuition. It's a nice mixture of reasonableness and honoring ourselves.

In the long haul, if you're overweight, this approach to eating is the best guarantee of finding your optimal weight and best health. There is no other method that comes close.

Some of you like structure, so I'd like to offer up a challenge for these next few days and weeks. Here it is:

If you feel like doing this, see if you can find at least one "must" that lurks in your thoughts and finds its way into your conversations. "Musts" have synonyms too. Here are some examples of "musts":

I MUST lose this weight by the spring.

I MUST learn intuitive eating and get rid of my diet mentality.

I HAVE TO get more in touch with my feelings.

Once I lose the weight, I MUST make my other dreams come true.

I MUST find my hunger and fullness at every meal.

Use your imagination, and it doesn't have to be related to normal eating. It can be about anything.

Then ponder whether it's something you really do want or if it's only what you think other people want from you. If it's something you'd really like for yourself, turn it into a "prefer" or a "strongly prefer" as in "I'd prefer to get in touch with some of the feelings I've been suppressing."

The idea is to nuance your "must," making it something you can do if and when you darn well feel like it.

Among well-meaning aspiring intuitive eaters, the "musts" contribute to their struggles, while the "strongly prefers" help set them free on the road to normal eating.

Try on some "prefers" and "strongly prefers." It may sound like semantics, but it can mean the difference between failure and success. It's just how our psyches work. Edicts are what got us here to begin with. Ownership of choices will set us free.

Oh, and one more thing. Only do this assignment if you feel like it. It's not a MUST! Perhaps you might like to decide if and when you prefer to do it.

What do hot dog rolls, tomato sauce, and frozen pizza all have in common? Sugar. That's right. In many brands of these foods, and hundreds of others, there's hidden sugar. Now, I ask you, when you're craving pizza, is it because you're in the mood for something sweet? I don't think so.

Sugar. That's right. In many brands of these foods, and hundreds of others, there's hidden sugar. Now, I ask you, when you're craving pizza, is it because you're in the mood for something sweet? I don't think so.

As a normal eater, and watching other former diet addicts try to find their way, I've been noodling on the whole issue of sugar in our diets.

I think I've come up with something, which at the very least applies perfectly to me. Therefore, it probably applies to some of you as well.

Some of you have found you're better off with no sugar at all. No sweets, no desserts. If that works for you, then it might be precisely what your body needs.

Others of you, though, seem to never be able to go "off" the sugar. Abstinence from sugar eventually leads you to a full-blown binge.

Or you find that you cannot regulate it. If you're "on" sugar, you eat too much of it. It may be that your body would like a little sugar everyday, if for no other reason than the psychological pleasure it brings. A little sugar everyday does not make anybody obese. So, why is it so hard to achieve a little sugar everyday?

For myself, I like the idea of a little bit of sweets everyday. But I, too, found that my sweets were increasing over time. Then, about a year ago, I thought of something new.

I wondered whether the problem wasn't so much the explicit sugar, as in "I'd like a piece of cheesecake now." Perhaps the problem was the sugar when I didn't want it.

Many of our packaged, processed foods contain sugar in the form of dextrose, corn syrup, cane, and so on. All of it is just sugar.

I started to wonder whether, with all that sugar in my food when I wasn't looking for dessert, I was overloading my body with sugar to such a degree that I'd developed a tolerance to it. Perhaps the overload corrupted my ability to sense the right amounts for me. After all, I was eating so much hidden sugar that I probably had no need for dessert. But I still wanted dessert!

So for the past year, I've been watching out for hidden sugar. It's easiest to do, of course, with home cooking, but with a little vigilance, I think I've greatly reduced my consumption of hidden sugar.

I found potato latkes with no added sugar. I found tomato sauce with no added sugar. I found frozen pizza with no added sugar. Whole wheat bread without sugar. Corn muffins, hot dog rolls, potato chips...the list goes on and on. And what about the ketchup on that burger? Well, add it it if you crave something sweet on your burger. Otherwise, don't.

You know what happened? Now, onions taste sweet. Now, I even like my Cheerios without extra sugar.

Now when I drink tea, I add one teaspoon of sugar, not two. Why? I don't have such a high tolerance to it.

Now, when I eat ice cream, I don't always crave sweet syrup drizzled on it. When I do eat something sweet because I want to, it doesn't have to be as sweet as it did, setting it apart from my dinner. Now it's set apart enough, because dinner had no hidden sugar.

Eating less sugar leads to eating less sugar. But where do you draw the line? For me, it's easier than I thought. I just make sure I am eating sugar only when I really want it. When it's explicit.

Unlike other addictions, we can't simply stop eating. There are no clear lines about amount, degree, or type. But I may have found at least one thing that's pretty simple and clear cut.

I'll have a cup of tea, please, with one rounded teaspoon of explicit sugar.