The Fan

Self-talk. You hear about it in reference to recovery from eating issues. But what is it exactly?

Every one of us, all through life, talks to ourselves. We help ourselves remember our keys, and right before a speech, we encourage ourselves, saying "You can do it you can do it."

Self-talk is a healthy way to help ourselves accomplish tasks, overcome hurdles, face fears, and more.

But what happens when self-talk goes bad? Unnoticed negative self-talk is the hallmark of folks with perfectionist tendencies, low self-esteem, and self-hatred. It accompanies addictions, and ruins relationships.

What makes negative self-talk insidious is when we're not aware of it. It's so natural that it's not unlike breathing. What if you could stop your negative self-talk?

Cognitive therapists agree that when we're able to catch our negative self-talk, we can replace it with something more positive, true, rational, or loving.

An example:

Negative self-talk: I overate today. I hate myself. I'm such a loser.

Positive self-talk: I overate today. I was feeling embarrassed about something, which probably triggered it. But I stopped sooner than is my usual habit. Hurray! I'm making progress!

Think of your negative self-talk as being like a household or room fan. It's running all the time, and causes a background hum that you don't notice.

When we choose to become aware of our self-talk, it's like sometimes saying "There's that fan." Then we can replace what we've just thought or told ourselves with something else.

For example, you've lost a few pounds just by learning mindful eating, and now you're saying "Sure, but you've done that before. It won't last. You don't deserve it anyway. Who do you think you are?"

That's when you take notice of the self-talk, and say "I have no evidence that I'm doomed to failure. Therefore I will choose to believe in myself. I'm important, smart, and beautiful, and I can recover from my eating issues if I darn well feel like it."

That's how we recover from negative self-talk. One awareness at a time. Over and over and over.

Before long, our behavior toward ourselves and others will improve. This adaptive (inner) change is what leads to new, lasting, external change, such as eating better.

But the best part about it is you don't have to eradicate the negative self-talk. That would be too hard, and we just don't have to be perfect like that.

Instead, after enough practice becoming aware of the fan, we start to act on our conscious thoughts instead of reacting to the fan.

So, a person recovered from negative self-talk still has the fan running in the background. Every once in a while, she even notices it. She says "Oh yes, there's that fan again. " She laughs at it, and goes about her joyful life, doing just what she wants to do, never dragged down by the fan.

Have you ever met a person whom you just know has great self-esteem? Chances are, that person has at least some negative self-talk habits that he simply doesn't act on. In fact, it may be human nature to be hard on ourselves to some degree, to say hurtful things to ourselves. But he's aware of it, which means he's not compelled to act on it.

We're all walking around, in fact, with portable fans. But some folks act on the negative self-talk, unaware they're even doing so. They sabotage themselves, making their own dismal predictions come true. The rest of us laugh at our negative self-talk, and go about our day, doing just what we set out to do.

Do you think you may have negative self-talk that you act on? Start to become aware of your fan today. And be encouraged, knowing that you never have to stop the negative self-talk completely. Instead, see if you can become aware just once today, and then act on your replacement self-talk instead of the negative self-talk. It will become easier and easier.

Soon, that fan will truly be relegated to "noise level."