The Big Deal

Diana Fay of Massachusetts writes,"I finally saw your 'This is Me' video this morning. Thank you. Your words created a shift in my thinking/feeling (can't tell which, maybe both).

"[You suggested in the video] 'I would like to lose more weight but if I don't I can tolerate that.' Somehow that statement moved the BIG DEAL of my weight into the background a bit. Felt real good."

What is this BIG DEAL about the weight? All of us are talking at the surface about our hunger and fullness signals, but underneath it all, many of you want the weight loss so badly that you'd do just about anything to get it.

Of course you do. You want to walk so your legs don't bleed from chafing against each other. You want to keep up with your toddler without running out of breath. You may be unhealthy. You might even be risking a heart attack and death. And you'd like to look better too. Who could argue with you? You're entitled to these things.

Nobody is saying you can't have them. But for some of you, the weight loss is so big that it's really your only goal. You couldn't care less about intuitive eating, except that it promises to lead you to weight loss.

If I told you today that you could lose that weight permanently by drinking motor oil, would you do it? Would you jump at the chance to continue obsessing about food--bingeing, purging, getting depressed, but be thin? If the answer is "yes," then the BIG DEAL about the weight is TOO BIG. Unfortunately, your efforts are likley to backfire.

In fact, for many of you, the BIG DEAL about the weight looms so large that it is anxiety-producing. The prospect of losing weight vs. not losing weight is too high stakes.

And you know what anxiety leads to. Stress, panic, binge eating, overeating, soothing yourself.

You strongly prefer to lose the weight. That's good. You know yourself, and you know what you want. So how does one set aside the BIG DEAL of the weight just enough to think clearly? Two thoughts:

1. Learn to say "this is me now." You'll still want to lose the weight, but this self-talk will drive the adrenaline away.

2. Cultivate a desire to eat normally for its own sake. Eat intuitively again and again, simply because it feels great. It feels right. It's a kindness to your body. There's joy in it every day.

As Diana has done, can you move the BIG DEAL of the weight into the background just enough that it creates a shift in your thinking and feeling? That doesn't mean your desire will disappear, only that you'll tame it like a wild lion. Put it in its cage.

Thank you, Diana, for your permission to quote you.

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