Which comes first--discovery or change?

Which comes first, discovery of the source of the problem, or change? The answer may not be as obvious as you think.

Case in point. Years ago, I applied myself to melting and taming my perfectionist tendencies. I knew I had them because so many people told me so, and I'd gotten the message from experience that they weren't working for me. So often, friends would say, "Have you always been this hard on yourself?"

So after much practice and finding out the sun still comes up in the morning if I'm not perfect, I realized one day that I'm just not the perfectionist gal I used to be.

That was twenty years ago. But only this morning did I discovered the origin of my long-ago forgotten perfectionist tendencies. It happened in one moment's thought, just last week.

My third grader had bounced out of school, declaring he was the fourth to last person to lose the spelling bee. I praised him to the hilt for making it that long. Then I thought "Hmmm...I'm praising him for doing his personal best. That comes naturally to me. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Then I was struck by the connection. As a child, I had never been praised for doing my personal best. Only for being the best in the class, best in the family, best in my grade, best in my school. Being the best was never personal. It was never my choice.

Now I see the origin of my bad habit, the one I changed years ago.

Which comes first--discovery or change? Sometimes discovery. But not always.

What a relief to know we don't have to uproot every last blessed origin of our destructive behavior before we can move on.

Likewise, you can learn intuitive eating without examining every last blessed fault in yourself and without delving into your childhood. Those things are nice goals too, but not necessary to be a normal eater.