July 2007 Archives
Are you in therapeutic mode too much? Listening to everyone's comments as though all of life were milieu therapy?
If you listen to criticism about your weight, your food, your clothing, or anything else, why are you doing it?
All of life is not, after all, group therapy.
People with good self-esteem turn a deaf ear. Politicians, when criticized, turn a deaf ear. Great world leaders who improve things for us all often have to turn a deaf ear.
Normal living involves turning a deaf ear.
Let's look at our problems in a new way--perhaps our problem isn't so much our weight, or our lack of willpower, or some character flaw. Instead, perhaps our problems are really mostly an unwillingness to turn a deaf ear.
Learn to discern what to shut out. If someone you don't much care about criticizes you, or you see some skinny model you don't even know, or even if voices in your own head point out all your flaws, those are the times to turn a deaf ear.
Be discriminating. Pick a few people in your life whose wisdom and judgement you actually trust. Listen carefully to them. But even with those few select, filter what they say through your own best judgment.
That's how confident people live.
As my readers know, I mostly write meditations, but I'm still recycling the Diet Survivors newsletters as well. If you've been with me less than about two years, you may not have read this newsletter.
But even if you have, you might get more out of it on the second time around.
After all, it was the repetition of distorted words that led us to dysfunctional eating to begin with. What better way to find true, lasting normal eating, than to read something rational over and over and over?
And with that, just click on this link Diet Survivors August 2007 Newsletter to read "Eat Like a Man, but not Like a Fat Man." (It's for women too.)
Although I think that diets often do us more harm than good, we're not here to make new hard and fast rules about how people should live.
Rather, this is what the Diet Survivors group is here for:
We're here to be intellectuals.
We're here to learn how to think for ourselves.
We're here to find our own inner food wisdom.
We're here to try a different kind of therapy--one that is more intellect-based than emotion-based.
We're here to find our autonomous selves.
We're here to find our rational selves.
Therefore, think about it. If someone on the Diet Survivors Yahoo! message board feels they need to return to the diet life, does this mean they don't belong in Diet Survivors anymore?
Here are some possible reasons why someone might return to dieting:
1. They're gaining weight, and this is upsetting to their goals
2. They're gaining weight, and this is dangerous for their health
3. They were addicted to the diet life, and still are
4. They are pressured by family or friends
5. Diets seem familiar and safe
6. Their doctor has advised them
Do any of these preclude a person from the path of finding more rational thinking, using the principles of cognitive therapy? Is anything contradictory here? I don't think so.
Look at it this way. Addressing and disrupting our faulty beliefs and self-talk is a lifelong process. They're about adaptive or internal change.
Everyone on God's green earth suffers from some faulty thinking. It's part of the human condition. It's often only
when we have something so dysfunctional in our lives, such as overeating and/or obesity, that we are forced to address our faulty thinking. That's just the way people are.
If you were to conclude that something you decide to do (that's defined as external, or technical change) contradicts something you choose to think (internal or adaptive change), I'd say you're thinking too black and white.
It's a good idea, if you're tempted to return to dieting, to examine your reasons, and just make sure you're thinking as soberly as you can.
That way, if it turns out you really were better off pursuing normal eating, you'll know it fairly quickly.
So why quit? I'd say for many of you, it's best to keep hanging around normal eating circles, especially Diet Survivors, even if you're embarking on another diet.
Diet Survivors is a particularly good choice, in my not-so-humble opinion, because you won't be condemned there just because you're seeking another route.
That's because, in the end, the goal of Diet Survivors is to encourage every person to find their autonomy again. To take back the reigns of your own eating life and learn to think for yourself regarding food and diets.
On the other hand, there are valid reasons to leave, too. Everyone is an individual. All are welcome to come and go as often as they please, and for any reason that they please.
Click on the book cover for more information
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free Diet Survivors newsletter.
Subscribe to the Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Don't you just love diet dressing?
I don't. But heck, to each his own. If you really prefer the stuff, go for it. But as for me, a satisfying salad has real dressing on it. Fat satisfies and it houses flavor. It's also good for your skin and organs.
So if you have a fear of real salad dressing, don't forget -- you're waiting until you're hungry and eating only until you're eighty percent full. You're doing successful portion control!
The reward? You can eat real food. In fact, eat only real food.
Click on the book cover for more information
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Fries, coke, big mac. Fries coke big mac. Every day. Why?
Not on purpose. If you've read my book you know I encourage my readers to consider including whole grains in their diet, and to see if they can reduce their trans-fats a bit.
That's just about the only nutritional advice I offer, because the bent of my book is that if you don't stop overeating you'll have worse problems than high cholesterol.
I think for many diet addicts, learning to eat normal amounts comes first and is initially more important than the content of your food.
I'm not black and white about that, but if you're reading this, you're probably one of those people who hears any food restriction as the loud trumpet call of diet, which catapults you right back into the diet mentality. It's that much of an addiction.
As you may know, I like sticking to whole grains and healthy food myself, although I do think sugar has its psychological benefits.
But something happened recently.
I stopped craving all that healthy food. And instead, I craved McDonald's. Day after day after day. Week after week after week.
I surrendered, knowing that if I tried too hard to stick with the healthy foods, I'd rebel anyway. It was time to keep my focus on hunger and fullness.
Now, I'm not promoting unhealthy eating. But there is merit to the normal eating gurus who say "save your life...think hunger and fullness only." Too much restriction at once will backfire.
But does it work to eat all that junk? Can thin folks really stay thin that way?
I guess I can't speak for other people for sure. We do vary a bit in our metabolisms.
But I can tell you this. It wasn't hard to stick with hunger and fullness because I didn't feel deprived. I was eating exactly what I wanted. Besides, a Big Mac tastes mighty good when you're really really hungry. And pretty awful when you're full.
It's been a few months now since it all started, and I haven't gained an ounce.
Do you have your priorities straight? Are you trying to tackle too many issues at once?
You might be someone who is best off just concentrating on your hunger and fullness. No, I don't mean eating Snickers bars all day. But three balanced meals with one or two snacks, even if they consist of too much junk food, isn't half bad if you're succeeding at hunger and fullness.
You'll lose the weight, and some of your troubles will go away. For some of you, it may be best to leave the fine-tuning for later.
Click on the book cover for more information
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
"You have such a pretty face." There is no well-intended compliment more universally despised by the community of weight strugglers than this. 
Have you ever flinched when someone said that to you?
Let's look at this awkward compliment more closely.
At first blush, it looks like an ill-fated attempt to say something nice. After all, it's truthful, right? But of course, it leaves dead air time, about as dreaded as dead air time on the radio. Everyone's thoughts are hanging out there, waiting for a speedy change of subject.
Let's give voice to the silence.
"It's too bad you're overweight."
"It's too bad it's ruined."
"So, why did you let yourself go like that?"
"Heck, as long as people focus on your smile, they won't notice the rest of you."
"But that face is going to go, too."
Wouldn't it be a hoot if someone came up to you and said "You have such a pretty body"? But don't count on it. In our culture, it's unclear what that means anyway. We're better at faces.
Better yet, wouldn't it be great if people would stop complimenting you on your face?
So now let's come back to reality. How about this. The next time you get complimented on your face, say either aloud or to yourself "and it matches my beautiful body perfectly."
It's a defiant thing to do. But defiance, my dear friends, is one key to a fulfilling life. No kidding. Without defiance, you will always limit yourself.
By the way, you have such a pretty body.
Click on the book cover for more information
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
