Body Image: February 2007 Archives
Why is it that in a room full of people, we compare ourselves to the most beautiful one there? When we're at the pool, we pick out the one with the perfect figure, thinking "I'm supposed to look like that, but I don't."
Such grandiosity! In twelve-step rooms such as Alcoholics Anonymous, members are warned to be on the lookout for their own grandiosity. Twelve steppers understand that this frustrated self-aggrandizement feeds into their addictions.
Grandiosity really is a form of self-centeredness in which we believe we're supposed to be superior to others. For those of us with accompanying low self-esteem, it's the belief that we need to be superior to others just so we can measure up.
When we consider grandiosity in the context of dieting and overeating, we realize that grandiosity is especially toxic. Why? Because it's about looking perfect, which nearly nobody does. In our minds, looking perfect is about not eating. Not eating is unhealthy and extreme. We vacillate and can never win.
In addition, this kind of grandiosity sets us apart from others, weakening our ability to use group support to help us recover. We continue to think of ourselves as different, as some kind of exception--that we alone, must return to looking beautiful. How can we recover that way?
Does grandiosity set you up for failure? Why not start seeing yourself as a regular person with regular problems and a flawed figure, just like most of the rest of the world? Sobering, isn't it? And freeing.
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Read Eat Normal Now
Diana Fay of Massachusetts writes,"I finally saw your 'This is Me' video this morning. Thank you. Your words created a shift in my thinking/feeling (can't tell which, maybe both).
"[You suggested in the video] 'I would like to lose more weight but if I don't I can tolerate that.' Somehow that statement moved the BIG DEAL of my weight into the background a bit. Felt real good."
What is this BIG DEAL about the weight? All of us are talking at the surface about our hunger and fullness signals, but underneath it all, many of you want the weight loss so badly that you'd do just about anything to get it.
Of course you do. You want to walk so your legs don't bleed from chafing against each other. You want to keep up with your toddler without running out of breath. You may be unhealthy. You might even be risking a heart attack and death. And you'd like to look better too. Who could argue with you? You're entitled to these things.
Nobody is saying you can't have them. But for some of you, the weight loss is so big that it's really your only goal. You couldn't care less about intuitive eating, except that it promises to lead you to weight loss.
If I told you today that you could lose that weight permanently by drinking motor oil, would you do it? Would you jump at the chance to continue obsessing about food--bingeing, purging, getting depressed, but be thin? If the answer is "yes," then the BIG DEAL about the weight is TOO BIG. Unfortunately, your efforts are likley to backfire.
In fact, for many of you, the BIG DEAL about the weight looms so large that it is anxiety-producing. The prospect of losing weight vs. not losing weight is too high stakes.
And you know what anxiety leads to. Stress, panic, binge eating, overeating, soothing yourself.
You strongly prefer to lose the weight. That's good. You know yourself, and you know what you want. So how does one set aside the BIG DEAL of the weight just enough to think clearly? Two thoughts:
1. Learn to say "this is me now." You'll still want to lose the weight, but this self-talk will drive the adrenaline away.
2. Cultivate a desire to eat normally for its own sake. Eat intuitively again and again, simply because it feels great. It feels right. It's a kindness to your body. There's joy in it every day.
As Diana has done, can you move the BIG DEAL of the weight into the background just enough that it creates a shift in your thinking and feeling? That doesn't mean your desire will disappear, only that you'll tame it like a wild lion. Put it in its cage.
Thank you, Diana, for your permission to quote you.
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This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free
Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Do you dislike your body? That could be the reason why your weight loss efforts never seem to stick. Self-rejection leads to panic. Panic leads to bingeing and compulsive behaviors such as unhealthy, extreme dieting. 
Do you know the rock and roll song called "This Is Us"? The band sounds like Dire Straits, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's all about looking at photographs of "us" as a couple and saying "this is us."
Have you tried saying "this is me"? Accepting yourself just as you are may be the key to unlock your intuitive eating efforts. The panic will subside because the urgency is gone. Perhaps only then can you relax and find your intuition.
Join others who, just like you, would like to say "This is Me." We're on the Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board. See you in cyberspace!
Watch the video meditation on this topic: This is Me
Check out the free Diet Survivors newsletter
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free
Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
