Body Image: July 2007 Archives

Are you in therapeutic mode too much? Listening to everyone's comments as though all of life were milieu therapy?

If you listen to criticism about your weight, your food, your clothing, or anything else, why are you doing it?

All of life is not, after all, group therapy.

People with good self-esteem turn a deaf ear. Politicians, when criticized, turn a deaf ear. Great world leaders who improve things for us all often have to turn a deaf ear.

Normal living involves turning a deaf ear.

Let's look at our problems in a new way--perhaps our problem isn't so much our weight, or our lack of willpower, or some character flaw. Instead, perhaps our problems are really mostly an unwillingness to turn a deaf ear.

Learn to discern what to shut out. If someone you don't much care about criticizes you, or you see some skinny model you don't even know, or even if voices in your own head point out all your flaws, those are the times to turn a deaf ear.

Be discriminating. Pick a few people in your life whose wisdom and judgement you actually trust. Listen carefully to them. But even with those few select, filter what they say through your own best judgment.

That's how confident people live.

"You have such a pretty face." There is no well-intended compliment more universally despised by the community of weight strugglers than this.

Have you ever flinched when someone said that to you?

Let's look at this awkward compliment more closely.

At first blush, it looks like an ill-fated attempt to say something nice. After all, it's truthful, right? But of course, it leaves dead air time, about as dreaded as dead air time on the radio. Everyone's thoughts are hanging out there, waiting for a speedy change of subject.

Let's give voice to the silence.

"It's too bad you're overweight."

"It's too bad it's ruined."

"So, why did you let yourself go like that?"

"Heck, as long as people focus on your smile, they won't notice the rest of you."

"But that face is going to go, too."

Wouldn't it be a hoot if someone came up to you and said "You have such a pretty body"? But don't count on it. In our culture, it's unclear what that means anyway. We're better at faces.

Better yet, wouldn't it be great if people would stop complimenting you on your face?

So now let's come back to reality. How about this. The next time you get complimented on your face, say either aloud or to yourself "and it matches my beautiful body perfectly."

It's a defiant thing to do. But defiance, my dear friends, is one key to a fulfilling life. No kidding. Without defiance, you will always limit yourself.

By the way, you have such a pretty body.

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