Diet Survivors: December 2005 Archives

Non-dieting, also called normal eating, is all about eating small amounts of food.

Someone on the Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board once corrected me and said "appropriate amounts of food."

But the truth is that many of us suffer from eating larger portions than our bodies need.

The answer really is small amounts of food. Why do we rebel against this? It's really important that we ask ourselves this question. Could it be the diet industry that's deified food to begin with?

When we diet, we place a crown on our food. Suddenly food becomes of central importance. It is king. Perhaps we learned as children, too, to deify our food. Now as adults, we reinforce this distortion of food.

Yet at the same time, we vilify it. We're not allowed to have it. It will make us gain weight. We reject it. We reject our hunger signals. We reject our cravings and eat something other than what our bodies tell us.

As a result, we vacillate between worship and hatred. Throw in a big dose of guilt. What a mess!

When we ditch the diet, we need to see food for what it is--a source of pleasure when we're hungry. It is neither devil nor angel.

When we tune in to exactly what we crave when we're hungry, and we tune into when we've had enough, and we do this over and over and over again for many meals, we start to realize that it's fun to eat small amounts of food, because that's all we need when every bite is delicious.

Do you rebel against the word "small" when I suggest small portions? Think about why this is. What is it about food that we want more than our bodies actually need?

Many of you right now are rebelling. Strike while the iron's hot, and write down your exact thoughts. Then reflect on those thoughts. Are they rational? Where did they come from?

Most importantly, do you think you could embrace the idea of small portions? You don't have to want to at first. Warm up to the idea slowly. Discuss it here, meditate on it. Take a few days or a few weeks or whatever you need to immerse yourself in this very new, revolutionary idea.

On page 39 of Karen R. Koenig's book, "The Rules of Normal Eating," she explains why change is slow, and why it cannot be any other way. In my book, "How to Survive Your Diet," I explain the difference between adaptive change and technical change, and I reveal which one you will do when you become successful at non-dieting.

Both of the above books are available on Amazon.com

During the holidays, the song "River" has been playing on the radio--two versions: one by Barry Manilow, and one by Linda Ronstadt.

But every time it comes on, I race to get my CD of the same song sung by its originator--Joni Mitchell. It's a sad song that goes, "Oh I wish I had a river to skate away on." Only Joni Mitchell can make her voice skate like her song. And no one else can sing their sadness and disappointment as deeply as Joni Mitchell.

Swimming in our deep river of feelings can cleanse and renew us. But just like that river in winter, feelings can sometime freeze up. I know this very well, as my childhood was a progression of increasingly suppressed feelings until finally they were frozen. I entered adulthood completely out of touch.

Although I've been recovered for many years, I still need to be a little careful not to stifle my own uncomfortable and ugly feelings. Sometimes shoving down feelings has its allure.

But must we immerse ourselves in every feeling a hundred percent of the time in order to be healthy?

I was faced with this question today, Christmas Day. As hard as I'd tried to please each of my kids with plans and presents, I could see reasons why each would be disappointed. I awoke this morning dreading Christmas, wanting to retreat and hide.

I know intellectually that holidays can't be perfect. I thought of other parents I know personally who can easily hear their children's negative feelings without feeling them so deeply themselves. I pondered how this is a healthy detachment. I wondered if I was trying too hard to swim in that deep river. But I didn't want to stuff or deny my feelings, either.

Then I thought of the skating song. When I respond to my children's disappointment today, which I inevitably will do, could I skate over the top of my feelings? Is this okay for me to do? The metaphor of the skates, as metaphors often do, proved trustworthy, as I knew this was not the same as denying feelings. I'm still making contact with the river!

Suddenly, I realized I had choices. I could freeze my feelings, or swim in my feelings, or do the in-between thing and skate over the top of them.

I selected the skates. And it's a good thing. My kids did have the expected ups and downs of Christmas. I felt for them. But not deeply. Like Joni Mitchell, I had a river to skate on. As a result, I was a happier mom on Christmas day. Everybody wins.

I started thinking. Holidays are often a stressful time, but aren't there plenty of ordinary days for which skating over, rather than swimming deeply in, feelings is a nice choice?

Health experts tell us to restrict our fat intake to 30 percent of our total calorie intake. The expression is "thirty percent calories from fat." Moreover, diet gurus tell us that to lose weight, we only need to drop under that 30 percent. Does this make sense?

Let's look at an example. Take Jane, who is considered by the medical community to be obese. She consumes 5000 calories a day. She tries to restricts her fat intake to 30 percent of her calorie consumption. This means shes getting 1500 calories worth of fat every day.

Now let's look at Sylvia, who is within normal weight range. Sylvia consumes 2000 calories a day. Sylvia doesn't restrict her fat intake. She takes in a whopping 50 percent of her calories as fat. This means she's getting 1000 calories worth of fat every day.

Whose fat intake is lower? Sylvia's of course. The one who is getting 50 percent of her daily calories from fat. Whose diet is healthier?

I suppose you could tell Sylvia to lower her fat intake, but she'd tell you that what keeps her this thin is eating delicious, satisfying, small portions that have enough fat to make her happy. Should Sylvia reduce her fat intake and be less satisfied?

In fact, fat houses flavor. Fats make us satisfied at the end of a meal. Furthermore, some studies show that folks who lower their fat intake make up for the imbalance by eating more carbohydrates and simple sugars. They don't lose weight, and they're no healthier.

So (barring a medical condition) lowering your fat intake may be good for neither your health nor your weight loss. It just goes to show that well-meaning people have led us far astray.

Now that my weight is healthy and stable, and has been so for over four years, I realize I've returned to the way I ate when I was a kid.

As a child, I was a very picky eater, and was told with disdain that I eat like a bird. But what wasn't obvious to others was that my tiny meals were fat-laden. I was getting enough calories each day.

Today, at the age of 48, I took out the sour creme. My tandoori chicken and brown rice, made with a load of oil and butter, didn't have quite enough fat to suit me. I added sour creme. I ate my little meal, then went about my day.

Thirty percent calories from fat? I think it's a crock. (I'm too polite to say what it's a crock of.) But see your doctor. Make sure you don't have any special health conditions that require a lowering of your fat intake. Then, try adding back the fat, and reducing the overall amount of food, not fat. It works.

This meditation is for those of you who feel your metabolism is trashed beyond repair but you still want to lose the weight.

Do you blame your metabolism? It's true that chronic dieting can make it more difficult in the end to lose weight. Just look at all those dieters who finally give up in frustration and undergo the very serious procedure called gastric bypass surgery.

But there's something else we can learn from these patients. Think about it--these are the folks with the most compromised metabolism of all. No matter how little they eat, they can't seem to lose weight, right? That's why they gave up dieting and resorted to the surgery. Then why, after the procedure, do they lose all those pounds? Does the procedure somehow improve their metabolism?

Probably not. Rather, their surgery does what the patient cannot do on his own--it drastically reduces his food intake, to the point where the body responds and drops the pounds.

What can we learn? These folks were able to lose weight when their food was restricted enough. Therefore, their problem could not have been entirely their metabolism.

What about you? Can you learn something from those folks who use gastric bypass surgery? There certainly is hope after all, even if your metabolism is slowed way down.

Perhaps It's time to really take a harder look at how much you're eating. Maybe it's time to take seriously the guidelines of hunger and fullness.

And what about that gastric bypass surgery? I am of the opinion that there are too many naysayers. As serious as this surgery is, it saves lives. If your doctor warns you of an impending heart attack, you could be saving your life with this solution.

But there's something else -- because of all the naysayers, it's hard for gastric bypass patients to get the proper followup counseling, except privately. What if they were more welcome to non-diet groups? After all, they still need to deal with their food issues, right? That's easier to do that alive than dead.

Do I recommend gastric bypass surgery? Perhaps for a few. See your doctor. Realize you will ALSO need the work of changing your thinking. As for the rest of you who still would like to lose weight, think about these folks today. Maybe do a little research. Be inquisitive. How DOES their body manage the weight loss after the surgery?

And lastly, let's welcome folks here who have had gastric bypass surgery, and lay off any judgment. Let's see what we all have in common. Let's applaud others who try their best, just as we are doing, to save their own lives.

I usually like the Montel Williams show (I have four kids so I spend a lot of time in the kitchen--there's a TV in there) but not today.

He featured a whole hour of destitute women who had a great idea and became millionaires. I ended up feeling inadequate. I shut the TV off.

When I asked myself, "What is it that I'm believing which causes this feeling?", the answer appeared. It's because I'm doing my small part, through Diet Survivors, to contribute to the world, but not making any money doing it. Is my work not valuable after all?

And then I had an ah-ha moment. Nobody was telling me my contribution was less than that of those women on TV. Just different. The real truth is that Montel's theme that day was women who got rich. I fit into a different theme, that's all.

It got me to thinking about something. Some of you have complained about the advertising and television industry portraying thin, beautiful women. It makes you feel inadequate.

But is it really the industry that makes you feel a certain way? Or is it your choice?

It was my choice to feel inadequate this morning while watching Montel Williams. But I only stayed there for a split second. Then I chose to re-frame my thinking. I designed a theme of my own. My theme (at least for this morning): women who do something from their hearts for no money at all. That's kind of nice, too!

Now, getting back to body image--So WHAT if magazines depict models with a certain kind of look! That's their THEME.

We can choose to fit our own theme. And unlike two-dimensional models, we are multi-faceted. We can have many themes. When we feel "less than," it's nobody's fault but our own. What's your theme right at this moment? Let us know!

Some of you might remember the pop song, "Fifty ways to leave your lover." Well, yes, in a sense as diet survivors, we're trying to leave an obsessive relationship. Not only that, but the title of this blog fits to the tune: Fifty ways your food is garbage. (Well okay the rest of the lyrics don't fit.)

Food is garbage when

1. It's stale
2. It's overcooked
3. It has something disgusting in it
4. It's old
5. It's burnt
6. It's undercooked
7. It's soggy
8. It's slimy
9. It's stringy
10. It's cold
11. You don't like it
12. There's too much of it
13. It's the wrong brand
14. It's been on the floor
15. It set off the smoke alarm
16. You're suspicious of the ingredients
17. You're sensitive or allergic to it
18. It was cooked by someone you don't like
19. It's moldy
20. It's curdled
21.You're tired of eating that food
22. It's Halloween candy
23. It's boring
24.You find something in it that belongs to one of your children
25.It smells bad
26.It reminds you of somebody you'd rather forget
27.It makes you sneeze
28.It makes you cough
29.It makes you wretch
30.It 's monochrome (i.e. cod, cauliflower, and mashed)
31.You were once forced to eat a similar food forty years ago
32.It contains fake fat
33.It contains carb-blockers
34.It's a food substitute
35.It doesn't look appealing
36.It's a rind, a pit, fuzz, membrane, peel, seed, green top, or the bottom half of your asparagus
37.It's under ripe
38.It's overripe
39.It's too spicy
40.It's stuck together
41.It has a lump
42.It's sticky
43.It's too dry
44.It's too sweet
45.It's too sour
46.It's too oceanic
47.It tastes like the can
48.It's the baby's leftovers
49.It's been partially eaten by the dog
50.It's perfectly good but you're not hungry

Quite a list! Does it leave you wondering if food is ever food? Yes it is! In a rather narrow window. You know what you really like. Don't eat garbage. Trash is for the trash can.

Do you have trouble throwing away food? Here's one Diet Survivor's revelation. Sue Corning, of Seattle, Washington writes:

"For awhile I put away EVERYTHING (even leftover soggy salad) in Tupperware containers in the fridge. I suspected I would throw the food away the next day, but I felt less guilty about throwing away something that spoiled in my fridge than throwing away something I 'wasted' by overloading my plate at a meal. Eventually I realized I could save washing a Tupperware container by just throwing out the food I was too full to eat."

Nice idea about sparing the Tupperware, don't you think?

In fact, most food is going to be garbage. Sometimes, you'll just need to find a way to be polite about it.

Today, meditate on the narrow window of what constitutes delicious. And maybe start humming this: "Fifty ways my food is garbage" to the tune of "Fifty ways to leave your lover," Oh, and one more thing—the part that's delicious is the only part you paid for. The rest was free.

You might like to post on the Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and add to the above list.