Diet Survivors: November 2007 Archives

Has someone pointed out your "shoulds" to you? Are you aware that you have too many "musts"? Yet you resist shedding them.

There must be a reason why. There must be something you're getting from your "shoulds." Here are a few possibilities. You believe that if you shed the "should":

1. You'll turn into a slacker
2. You'll fail to measure up to other people
3. You'll underachieve
4. You'll appear to others as uncaring or unconcerned

Did you identify with one or more of the above reasons to cling to your shoulds?

It's no wonder you don't want to shed your "shoulds." They're wrapped up in your view of yourself and others' view of you. It's tied into your ego and sense of importance, even your compassion.

But is it true? Do you really need those rigid "shoulds"? There's nothing wrong wtih expecting things of yourself, but what if you trade in your "should" for a "would like to"? Well, guess what, you can still desire to do things, and then accomplish them. Here's a few examples:

I should forgive him
I shouldn't be angry
I shouldn't be resentful
I shouldn't raise my kids that way
I should legalize all foods

Now here's a softer approach:

I would like to try and forgive him
I would prefer not to be angry
I would like to get rid of this resentment
I would like to apply some wisdom to raising my kids
I would like to legalize all foods eventually

Interestingly, people accomplish more with the softer approach. People need slow, gradual, warming up, baby steps to bring about real change in their lives. "Shoulds" don't allow for that. "Would like to's" most certainly do. It turns out they're more effective.

In a sense, this means you're off the hook. You don't need to shed your "shoulds." But maybe it will help you to soften them. See if you would like to do that.

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