Food and Feelings: December 2007 Archives

Christina is an emotional eater. She's uncomfortable in social situations, and this upsets her. She's also very hard on herself.

Especially when she feels she has embarrassed herself, or committed some real or imagined social faux pas, she turns to food. Somehow, the food is a friend, and a solution, and a source of numbing her feelings.

Having been raised in an alcoholic home, she believes that she is handling her life much better by turning to food than to alcohol. However, sometimes she wistfully reflects, and wishes she could be like those other people she knows who don't seem to need food for comfort.

Christina has tried stoically avoiding food when upset, but it just calls her name too loudly. When she starts a new diet, everything goes great for a while. She can even avoid eating for comfort, because she's on a high from her new diet and initial weight loss.

But eventually, it all comes crashing in. She turns to her old friend, whom she is increasingly regarding as more of an enemy than a friend. Other times she resigns herself to a life of overeating and overweight. Sometimes when she's upset with herself, she just can't wait to get to the supermarket and stock up.

What is emotional eating?

The DSM-IV, (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) published and copyrighted by the American Psychiatric Association, does not define emotional eating specifically. However, it does recognize binge eating as a disorder.

It is generally recognized in the field of psychology that emotions play a part
in the behavior of many overeaters. Put simply, emotional eaters have a relationship with food. As an emotional eater, Christina
might eat in response to any of these emotions and some not on this list:

• anger


• feeling worthless


• resentment


• feeling unappreciated


• embarrassment


• shame


• stress


• boredom


• lack of control


• hopelessness


• depression


• loneliness

But your emotions are not to blame!

Everyone has emotions, but not everyone overeats. Therefore, Christina doesn't have to do anything about her emotions. Emotions come and go. What lies behind those emotions, however, is self-talk. Sometimes self-talk causes the emotions. Other times, self-talk aggravates existing emotions. Either way, Christina's problem is the self-talk and faulty beliefs, not the emotions.

So self-talk causes emotional eating?

The answer is yes. What we tell ourselves and what we believe, lead to exaggerated feelings that take over our rational minds.

Here are just a few possible examples of Christina's beliefs and self-talk. Notice the "musts" and beliefs about what is intolerable.

• Feeling embarrassed is intolerable.


• Feeling lonely is intolerable.


• All uncomfortable feelings are intolerable.


• When I'm feeling bad I must get rid of the feeling right away.


• I deserve a little comfort.

Once Christina identifies some of her faulty beliefs, such as those listed above, she can then replace her beliefs with more rational beliefs and self-talk. She will be helped most if she is willing to write them down and spend a few minutes each day reading them. In this way, her new self-talk will eventually become part of her thinking.

Here are a few examples of what she might write:

• I can tolerate making a fool of myself.


• If I'm willing to experience bad feelings, I'll be able to take more emotional risks in life.


• Feeling foolish is part of life, and part of living fully.


• I don't need to numb those feelings in any way. I can let them fade away.


• I can find new ways to stay busy while the feelings fade. That's different from denial or trying to numb them.


• Excessive emotional eating is a form of substance abuse.


• It's not terrible if I find myself eating in response to emotions. As soon as I notice it, I can simply say, "Okay, I've had enough of that."


• In the long run, constantly overeating doesn't comfort me after all because there's nothing comfortable about being overweight!


• Everyone occasionally derives comfort from food. It's a matter of degree.

Journaling your beliefs is the key to freedom. That's because once you're a little aware of what you're believing, you can change it at any time. More rational beliefs lead to more tolerable emotions.

"Concern" usually remains as an emotion, but concern is something we can handle. Now that Christina is journaling her beliefs, she is still concerned about embarrassing herself, but she is no longer "freaking out" when it happens. Now she's free to learn how to even laugh about it.

Journaling for even just a few weeks can be enough to help you be aware of your beliefs and self-talk.

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