Recently in Granular thinking Category
Do you putter? That's my way of cleaning around the house. A little here and a little here, with no real goal but to clean and tidy what's bugging me the most.
Once in a while, I go all out.
I didn't used to clean this way. I used to think I had to have a plan. I had to go room by room and be thorough.
But in reality, it meant I hardly ever cleaned at all. And I knocked myself out when I did clean, exhausted afterward.
Some people eat the way I used to clean. All or nothing. Binge or starve. Follow the plan. Use brute force to stick with it. Get depressed when you don't. Obsess.
Eating by puttering is normal. We try a bite here, and forkful there. We sometimes don't eat at all.
We eat according to whims, and according to our fancy. We eat by what's bugging us. Mostly we eat a little at a time, a bunch of small meals over the course of the day.
We eat sensibly. Just as we wouldn't use furniture polish on the windows, we don't eat dessert for dinner.
Once in a while, such as on holidays, we go all out.
Eating by puttering is normal eating.
If you do neither cleaning nor eating by puttering, pick one to start with, and then eventually use it to instruct you in how to do the other. Or start puttering both.
Puttering is sacred. Puttering is healthy. Eat by puttering.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Okay so you totally messed things up. You over ate, and then got so upset about it that you ate some more. Finally you were in so much pain that you had to lie down. And strange things happened to your body that cannot be discussed delicately here.
I found you out? This behavior may be more common than you think. You are not alone! You may as well admit your secret to someone because, as they say, "You're only as sick as your secrets." But of course, find only a safe person to tell.
One key to recovery from binge eating is to stop thinking in black and white. Simple, yet difficult. It's time to allow yourself the luxury of stopping arbitrarily, right in the middle of the binge. If you can do that, you can recover.
Each time a binge starts, decide to stop arbitrarily. Celebrate every time you do that. Each time, you'll be able to stop earlier and earlier because you'll feel so good about achieving "arbitrariness."
Remember, the disorder won't go away overnight. But if you keep thinking in "shades of gray," rather than "black and white," if you discard notions of having to stop at midnight, or only when you're in pain, or only when all the ice cream's gone, if you can achieve "arbitrariness," then you will eventually be able to stop before it starts. And that's as good as it gets.
But that sounds pretty good to me.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Recently, someone in the Diet Survivors group complained that our board has too much personality.
Well well well! That's by design. Here's my thinking. My vision for people who come to the Diet Survivors message board is for them to find their OWN wisdom, their OWN critical thinking. 
In my opinion, the most devastating result of dieting is a surrender of one's individuality and sense of reason.
By infusing my personality in the Diet Survivors materials and on the board, and reinforcing my name, I'm always endeavoring for people to know when it's me speaking.
That's because I'm always trying, in my own small way, to MODEL critical thinking.
That's why one member recently commented that I take her by surprise in the things I say.
I don't do it to be contrary. I do it because I'm not totally subscribed to anything, including normal eating. Rather, I simply try to be an intellectual about things. That's what I'm modeling.
That's why people on this board are not being turned into normal-eating crazies. They're not becoming militant and rigid about yet a new thing.
There's a modicum of truth in every idea--even dieting. I'm certain that a small segment of the population does okay with a formal diet. Why say otherwise? Saying otherwise only promulgates more lies.
Haven't we had enough lies from the diet industry? How about if our new approach to life, our new world view, be an intellectual one? The intellectual approach holds little room for sweeping generalizations and broad brushes.
For those of you who feel lost, those who've wandered into extreme religions, extreme diets, a spartan lifestyle, have addictions or compulsions, or any other polarized way of approaching the world, and who are sick of it, here's a suggestion.
Begin to think of yourself as an emerging intellectual. You don't have to be bookish. Just willing to set your mind to things. You'd be amazed at how freeing it is. Be a free thinker.
Click on the book cover for more information
Normal Eating solutions: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book, The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! This blog entry, unlike most others of mine, is actually an advertisement. But read on. It's an interesting deal just for buying one book.
On Thursday, November 29, 2007, there will be a compelling offer on Amazon.com. (That's exactly a week from Thanksgiving).
On that day, purchase Dr. Michael R. Edelstein's book, "Three Minute Therapy" at Amazon.com for $14.93, and you will receive materials on the web valued at more than $700.00. Click the book image below for more information.
The e-materials you receive are provided by authors and experts with an interest in Dr. Edelstein and the field of cognitive therapy. That will include a freebie from yours truly.
In addition, you'll even receive, for those who are game, a ten minute session with the best-selling author, Dr. Michael Edelstein, by telephone, an appointment set up just for you and you alone.
If you're on one of my message boards, or have read my book, you know the value of "Three Minute Therapy." It is my belief that the simple kind of self-therapy explained in his book is worth gold to folks trying to ditch the diet mentality. Why? Because ditching the diet is like leaving a cult. You have some work to do in your thinking, and Edelstein shows you how.
Dr. Edelstein writes, "If you take the trouble to learn the techniques explained in this book, think about them, and apply them to your own problems, you'll be able to tackle difficulties that may have so far seemed unmanageable. Some of your worst fears and anxieties will diminish or dissolve away, and you will become more effective at pursuing your chosen goals in life."
Dr. Edelstein lectures nationally and internationally, appears on radio, television, newspapers, and the internet, and is published in numerous psychological journals. He also writes the advice column, "Ask Dr. Mike."
Dr. Edelstein has served as a Training Supervisor and Fellow of the Albert Ellis Institute. He is on the Board of Advisors of the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists, which honored him with the "Author of the Year" award for his book, "Three Minute Therapy."
Best-Selling Author Dr. Martin Blinder, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Past Adjunct Professor of Law, University of California, San Francisco says: 
"With a series of incisive insights Michael Edelstein cuts through the psychological jargon and makes clear how all of us can effect powerful changes in our psyches, in our lives, and in the lives of our loved ones."
Here's the link so you can see the book, but remember, you get the free e-materials and the free phone consultation only if you make your purchase of Dr. Edelstein's book on November 29!
Three Minute Therapy: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
Would you like a personal reminder the night before the event? Join either of my Yahoo! message boards:
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Click on the book cover for more information
Free resources: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors newsletter
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book The Rules of Normal Eating
Learn more about normal eating at Eat Normal Now
Has someone pointed out your "shoulds" to you? Are you aware that you have too many "musts"? Yet you resist shedding them.
There must be a reason why. There must be something you're getting from your "shoulds." Here are a few possibilities. You believe that if you shed the "should":
1. You'll turn into a slacker
2. You'll fail to measure up to other people
3. You'll underachieve
4. You'll appear to others as uncaring or unconcerned
Did you identify with one or more of the above reasons to cling to your shoulds?
It's no wonder you don't want to shed your "shoulds." They're wrapped up in your view of yourself and others' view of you. It's tied into your ego and sense of importance, even your compassion.
But is it true? Do you really need those rigid "shoulds"? There's nothing wrong wtih expecting things of yourself, but what if you trade in your "should" for a "would like to"? Well, guess what, you can still desire to do things, and then accomplish them. Here's a few examples:
I should forgive him
I shouldn't be angry
I shouldn't be resentful
I shouldn't raise my kids that way
I should legalize all foods
Now here's a softer approach:
I would like to try and forgive him
I would prefer not to be angry
I would like to get rid of this resentment
I would like to apply some wisdom to raising my kids
I would like to legalize all foods eventually
Interestingly, people accomplish more with the softer approach. People need slow, gradual, warming up, baby steps to bring about real change in their lives. "Shoulds" don't allow for that. "Would like to's" most certainly do. It turns out they're more effective.
In a sense, this means you're off the hook. You don't need to shed your "shoulds." But maybe it will help you to soften them. See if you would like to do that.
Click on the book cover for more information
Free resources: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors newsletter
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How to Survive Your Diet.
Visit the home of the book The Rules of Normal Eating
In the effort to control your weight, are you already doing your best? For many of you, you've been doing your best for years already. Is there anything you can possibly do that you haven't done?
Probably not. If you feel you're already doing your best to eat reasonable portions, to avoid overeating dessert, and to stop when you're full, then why are you still making yourself crazy with diets and watching the scale?
Here's an idea. Why not ditch the scale, and just rely on doing your best? It's all you can do, right? And that way, you can enjoy life. Hey, you're either doing your personal best or your not. Make up your mind.
Recently I used the term "nuancing" on one of my message boards, and was asked to define this. Here is my reply:
Nuancing is about avoiding new rules, avoiding MUSTS, avoiding about-faces, and embracing "shades of gray" thinking.
An example is that some intuitive eating gurus say you MUST legalize all food first.
Well, okay, that works for some. But maybe you have one food you're really afraid of. Can you nuance this? Can you legalize SOME foods right now, and consciously choose to put off the one that frightens you for now? It's messier.
But one reason we got into this predicament in the first place is messiness-avoidance.
Life is messy, hunger and fullness are messy, feelings are messy, and we sometimes try too hard to get on some kind of "plan" or way of understanding things so as to neaten it all up.
A little of that is okay, but if your eating is dysfunctional, chances are you're trying too hard to keep things simple and neat.
It takes more brain-power to think through things in a granular way, but ALL OF US have that brain power. For one reason or another, somewhere along the way, we got hooked on avoiding using our brains
when it comes to certain areas of our lives.
Click on the book cover for more information
Free resources: (You'll see after clicking how to subscribe to them)
Diet Survivors meditations
Diet Survivors newsletter
Diet Survivors message board
Food and Feelings message board
Find out more about Linda Moran's book,
How
to Survive Your Diet
Are you in therapeutic mode too much? Listening to everyone's comments as though all of life were milieu therapy?
If you listen to criticism about your weight, your food, your clothing, or anything else, why are you doing it?
All of life is not, after all, group therapy.
People with good self-esteem turn a deaf ear. Politicians, when criticized, turn a deaf ear. Great world leaders who improve things for us all often have to turn a deaf ear.
Normal living involves turning a deaf ear.
Let's look at our problems in a new way--perhaps our problem isn't so much our weight, or our lack of willpower, or some character flaw. Instead, perhaps our problems are really mostly an unwillingness to turn a deaf ear.
Learn to discern what to shut out. If someone you don't much care about criticizes you, or you see some skinny model you don't even know, or even if voices in your own head point out all your flaws, those are the times to turn a deaf ear.
Be discriminating. Pick a few people in your life whose wisdom and judgement you actually trust. Listen carefully to them. But even with those few select, filter what they say through your own best judgment.
That's how confident people live.
You're learning normal eating, but you still see-saw between extremes. You don't know which side of the see-saw to land on. Maybe you'll recognize one of these:
1. Sugar is poison vs. sugar is satisfying in small amounts
2. I felt so healthy on the Atkins diet vs. I must get away from all diet thinking
3. I must get away from wanting to lose weight vs. Who am I kidding? Weight loss is still why I'm in this
4. Weighing myself every day is what makes me crazy vs. weighing myself is how to stay accountable
Perhaps you have you own see-saw, one not listed here.
Do you see-saw between two extremes?
Do you feel like a failure learning intuitive eating because you can't make up your mind which side to land on with a thump?
Consider this. We all have struggles. We all have dichotomies. But how important are they to resolve?
Here's a suggestion. Identify your see-saw. Then surrender to the fact that it may never go away. You might learn normal eating, and still struggle with the see-saw. Then demote your see-saw in its importance.
Today when you get caught on your see-saw, laugh at yourself, and then ask and answer "How important is it really for me to resolve this once and for all? Not important enough."
Then decide for the moment where to land. Tomorrow you can decide again. Keep laughing. Seesaws are fun. Don't try and get it right once and for all. It's just not important enough.
Click on the book cover for more information
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Karen R. Koenig, author of two books about intuitive eating, recently said this on the Diet Survivors message board:
"Reaching out to each other is a vital component in recovery, but it will never take the place of the miserably hard work you have to do dozens of times every day to check in with hunger, satisfaction, food enjoyment, fullness, and feelings.
" By all means, share your successes and setbacks on the board, but put the bulk of your energy into focusing on what you have to do minute by minute to get well."
Oh how true her words are! But does it churn up objections? Questions such as: Why should I have to do all this work? Normal eaters don't have to work so hard!
The more accurate picture is that everyone struggles with certain things. Everyone has areas of difficulty, and overcoming them takes hard work.
It just so happens that for those of you reading this, food is one of your struggles.
An alcoholic has hard work to do and an uphill battle in order to get well. That alcoholic will still have rocky times, but can lead a good life.
Same for you. How about aiming for APPROXIMATING normalcy? Can that be sufficient for you? Especially because so many dysfunctional eaters tend to be perfectionists and b/w thinkers, I would suggest that the
goal of approximating is a worthy one, if for no other reason than the fact that a goal of imperfection may be a new idea for you.
The reason black and white thinkers fail at their goals is that they have no sufficiency barometer for themselves. They do either all or nothing.
So start today. See if it's okay to live a life in which you do things reasonably well, and sufficiently good enough.
It's a new way to live. And once you catch on, it's both a relief, and a surprise, that more of your dreams come true.
