Positive self-talk: February 2007 Archives
A friend of mine named Sarah tried intuitive eating, after years of frustration with low-fat diets. Her down fall had been night eating, which she blamed on her lack of self-control. She would do fine all day long, then after dinner, was tempted by her children's high-fat cookies and snacks.
So she declared that from this day forward, she would eat smaller portions, and she would wait for hunger and fullness.
But...she added one other thing. She kept up the low-fat. Her reasoning? "I'll lose the weight even faster. After all, fats do make you fat. And after all, if I eat less fat, that means I'm eating fewer calories, right?"
She had missed the point, but she was determined that low-fat eating still made sense.
For months she sought hunger and fullness. For months, she stuck by her low-fat regimen so she would "lose the weight faster."
For months, Sarah didn't lose any weight. Why? Her stubborn night eating had worsened. She finally complained to me that this "method" doesn't work.
When I reminded her that no food was off-limits, she tried ditching the low-fat, but the range of choices was suddenly unlimited. "How do I know what I buy? There are no more guidelines. I need to have restrictions!" Sarah gave up in less than a week, and returned to her low-fat diet.
What happened here?
1.The faulty assumption that lowering her fat intake would somehow benefit her.
Granted, lowering your saturated fats would be a healthy choice, but that's not related to normal eating or weight loss. Normal eaters who make healthy choices allow themselves ample unsaturated fats and foods with health-giving fats such as fish and nuts.
2. Failure to understand the cause of her night eating.
The problem was that she deprived herself all day of maximum taste from fats (fats house the flavor of food). Then, when night time came, of course she'd be tempted, both because she's looking for the satisfaction of some flavor, and because her body really wants more fats. Sadly, her body ends up getting the unhealthiest kind. And worse yet, she tells herself she must redouble her efforts to resist temptation.
3. Difficulty in transitioning from buying low-fat to buying delicious.
She did not realize that her food choices didn't have to be overwhelming. All she had to do was pass by all the less than tasty foods. Sarah needs to tune in to her appetite. She needs to home in on what she actually loves to eat. She doesn't even know where to start.
Does Sarah sound like you?
These problems can seem hard to solve because they require a change in thinking and beliefs, not just a technical change of seeking hunger & fullness. That is why fed-up dieters need to re-talk their self-talk. They've bought so many lies, established so many habits.
Now they face undoing it all.
If you're struggling with finding your food wisdom, you may need to replace a tape or two in your head that's still running over and over and over. One tape might be "fats make you fat."
Replace it today with "Fats are delicious. They satisfy."
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Diana Fay of Massachusetts writes,"I finally saw your 'This is Me' video this morning. Thank you. Your words created a shift in my thinking/feeling (can't tell which, maybe both).
"[You suggested in the video] 'I would like to lose more weight but if I don't I can tolerate that.' Somehow that statement moved the BIG DEAL of my weight into the background a bit. Felt real good."
What is this BIG DEAL about the weight? All of us are talking at the surface about our hunger and fullness signals, but underneath it all, many of you want the weight loss so badly that you'd do just about anything to get it.
Of course you do. You want to walk so your legs don't bleed from chafing against each other. You want to keep up with your toddler without running out of breath. You may be unhealthy. You might even be risking a heart attack and death. And you'd like to look better too. Who could argue with you? You're entitled to these things.
Nobody is saying you can't have them. But for some of you, the weight loss is so big that it's really your only goal. You couldn't care less about intuitive eating, except that it promises to lead you to weight loss.
If I told you today that you could lose that weight permanently by drinking motor oil, would you do it? Would you jump at the chance to continue obsessing about food--bingeing, purging, getting depressed, but be thin? If the answer is "yes," then the BIG DEAL about the weight is TOO BIG. Unfortunately, your efforts are likley to backfire.
In fact, for many of you, the BIG DEAL about the weight looms so large that it is anxiety-producing. The prospect of losing weight vs. not losing weight is too high stakes.
And you know what anxiety leads to. Stress, panic, binge eating, overeating, soothing yourself.
You strongly prefer to lose the weight. That's good. You know yourself, and you know what you want. So how does one set aside the BIG DEAL of the weight just enough to think clearly? Two thoughts:
1. Learn to say "this is me now." You'll still want to lose the weight, but this self-talk will drive the adrenaline away.
2. Cultivate a desire to eat normally for its own sake. Eat intuitively again and again, simply because it feels great. It feels right. It's a kindness to your body. There's joy in it every day.
As Diana has done, can you move the BIG DEAL of the weight into the background just enough that it creates a shift in your thinking and feeling? That doesn't mean your desire will disappear, only that you'll tame it like a wild lion. Put it in its cage.
Thank you, Diana, for your permission to quote you.
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This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free
Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
Do you dislike your body? That could be the reason why your weight loss efforts never seem to stick. Self-rejection leads to panic. Panic leads to bingeing and compulsive behaviors such as unhealthy, extreme dieting. 
Do you know the rock and roll song called "This Is Us"? The band sounds like Dire Straits, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's all about looking at photographs of "us" as a couple and saying "this is us."
Have you tried saying "this is me"? Accepting yourself just as you are may be the key to unlock your intuitive eating efforts. The panic will subside because the urgency is gone. Perhaps only then can you relax and find your intuition.
Join others who, just like you, would like to say "This is Me." We're on the Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board. See you in cyberspace!
Watch the video meditation on this topic: This is Me
Check out the free Diet Survivors newsletter
This blog is a companion to the free Yahoo! Diet Survivors message board and the free
Diet Survivors newsletter.
Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.
