Positive self-talk: May 2007 Archives

Karen R. Koenig, author of two books about intuitive eating, recently said this on the Diet Survivors message board:

Oh how true her words are! But does it churn up objections? Questions such as: Why should I have to do all this work? Normal eaters don't have to work so hard!

The more accurate picture is that everyone struggles with certain things. Everyone has areas of difficulty, and overcoming them takes hard work.

It just so happens that for those of you reading this, food is one of your struggles.

An alcoholic has hard work to do and an uphill battle in order to get well. That alcoholic will still have rocky times, but can lead a good life.

Same for you. How about aiming for APPROXIMATING normalcy? Can that be sufficient for you? Especially because so many dysfunctional eaters tend to be perfectionists and b/w thinkers, I would suggest that the
goal of approximating is a worthy one, if for no other reason than the fact that a goal of imperfection may be a new idea for you.

The reason black and white thinkers fail at their goals is that they have no sufficiency barometer for themselves. They do either all or nothing.

So start today. See if it's okay to live a life in which you do things reasonably well, and sufficiently good enough.

It's a new way to live. And once you catch on, it's both a relief, and a surprise, that more of your dreams come true.

Are you waiting to be normal, like other people? Wait no more. You've been kidding yourself all this time. Nobody's normal.

Dysfunctional eaters tend to want to put themselves in a different category than everyone else, perhaps because their psychosis many times, although not always, shows a little more (in the form of overweight).

But everybody's normal til you get to know them, and now that's even the name of a book.

Did you know that, just as eating normally seems difficult to you but simple to other people, other people struggle in areas too:

1. Some people can't seem to take a single drink without overdoing it.

2. Some people can't decorate their own homes to save their lives (yours truly being one of them).

3. Some people struggle to learn simple social skills, and they may never feel they've gotten it right.

4. Some people struggle with being believed, finding love, and being themselves.

5. Some people can't distinguish their right from their left hand. I know such a woman. She has a PhD.

6. Some people can't whistle.

7. Some people can't grow a plant.

8. Some people may be thin, but have hidden, devastating addictions.

It's a waste of time, and too much pressure, to expect yourself to become normal. Just go from where you are, and find a way to make your personal dreams come true. Forget normal.

You're learning normal eating, and now you're wondering..."How many books should I read?"

Many folks come to normal eating after years of diets, memberships, numerous different sizes of clothing, special foods, and more. They have these concerns:

1. I've already wasted thousands of dollars on my diet life. Must I buy books about normal eating?

2. I became addicted to my diet books. Will I become addicted to my normal eating books?

3. How will I know when I've learned enough? How will I know when to stop reading?

4. How will I ever live normally without a focus on food and diets? Will I become a no-diet crazy as much as I was a diet-crazy? Is it inevitable? Is that what I want?

These are all valid questions, and they have more to do with internal, adaptive change, than with any external or even lifestyle change.

And that's precisely why they are worthwhile questions to ponder for you. Because dysfunctional eating is less about what you do than it is about how you think. Faulty thinking is what leads to years of diet craziness.

To undo dysfunctional eating, therefore, requires new self-talk and new thinking.

That's where the books come in. Normal eating books will help you toward normal thinking. Some of them will even model it for you. To the extent that you need to change your self-talk, you need to do some reading. In fact, you may need as many sober words to become a normal eater as you needed distorted words to become a dysfunctional eater. For some of you, that's a lot of words!

The upshot is there's no right answer for anyone. So instead of focusing on the externals of how many books, why not ask yourself as you read:

1. Am I learning to talk the talk but still avoiding the walk?

2. Is it possible that less is more?

3. How many words do I need to combat the years of irrational thinking?

4. Am I hiding behind my books to avoid living life?

When you are able to believe that you can be a normal eater, when you are able to believe in your own good judgment and food wisdom, when you know in your heart whether weight loss is right for you or whether it's better for you to focus on weight acceptance, these are signs of healthy thinking.

After healthy thinking, consider giving up the books and moving on to normal living.

Limited budget? Not a problem. Nobody has to buy anything. Diet Survivors materials are free. All you have to do is print them on your computer's printer. Use them as though they were a book. They're written by the author of How to Survive Your Diet.

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Find out more about Linda Moran's book, How to Survive Your Diet.