The Story of the World
History for the Classical Child
Revised Edition
Volume 1: Ancient Times
From the Earliest Nomads to the Last Roman Emperor
by Susan Wise Bauer
History's not my subject, and ancient history least of all. But I'm afterschooling my kid, and this book looks like a good pick.
It reads in story form, with a cozy tone you can curl right up to. Starting sensibly with a discussion of why archeology is so important for revealing ancient history knowledge, it plunges in quickly to nomadic times.
But not without a connection to the reader. Each chapter starts with a thought-provoking question or a jog of the memory, and then sweeps up the student into the next phase of times long ago.
Having a weak history background, I never really pondered before how much artifacts and early writings mean to the construction of ancient history.
But this author paints artifacts with lively descriptions, leading the reader to value them for the secrets they reveal.
Wrapping up with the end of Rome, the reader is left with a revelation of some Latin words he probably didn't know he knew, including the meaning of the P.S. at the end of a letter.
From the Egyptian battles for power to the atrocities (toned down) of Attila the Hun, there's nothing text-bookish about The Story of the World.
A book for depressed kids? Sounds like a bright idea from some detached ivory tower "expert." But who, in heaven's name, would actually read it?
I would have, had I been such a kid. With its appealing over-sized type, it begins this way, "I know some of you would rather be doing just about anything other than reading this right now. in fact, I'll bet that some of you aren't actually reading. You're just sitting there with the book open, pretending to read. Yes I know that old trick..."
Had I been between 9 and 12 and struggling with self-esteem or depression, I would have been hooked.
Then the author strikes a deal with his reader, offering four credible promises that seal the deal of honesty and trust; one of those promises: if you keep reading, you will continue to hate your homework.
Based on the CBT model (Cognitive-behavioral therapy), this delightful kids' book brings a level of humanness and reasonableness from the page to the frustrated child. After all, when you're a kid and you're depressed, you're frustrated. No kid wants to suffer so.
According to WebMD, CBT is "a type of counseling that focuses on modifying certain thoughts and behavior patterns to control the symptoms of a condition. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is used to treat a variety of problems, including stress, depression, anxiety and panic disorders, eating disorders, ongoing (chronic) pain, and chronic fatigue syndrome."
Indeed, CBT, in one of its earliest forms developed by Albert Ellis and dubbed Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, has been used in a wide range of venues as an alternative to the more emotion-based, long-term psychoanalytic approach that may be more familiar to adults but less accessible for kids.
Why does it work? Because it appeals to the rational mind. The human mind longs to rise above the entrapment of its own distorted beliefs about self. And for kids, the method is quick and present-day. CBT is an effective and efficient tool for moving forward in one's life with greater clarity of thought and therefore greater access to joy.
No affront intended, but you'd never know the author has a PhD. In this case, that's good news. The tone of the book projects an image of Dr. Wilde crouching down on bended knee, softly smiling, sharing his heart with his reader eye to eye.
Jerry Wilde walks his befriended reader through a simple, clear explanation of the symptoms of depression, the reasons for it, and what to do. He offers practical advice and mental tools that actually work.
Want to know what an alligator thought is? Read it yourself first before giving it away to a deserving child.
Only 72 pages long, including a handy index, this book begs to burrow its way into the life of a sad child desperate for a lifeline, and find its way under the bed covers with a flashlight for some late-night reading.
Therapists, parents, and even teachers could brighten a child's world with a gift of this book. This reviewer will donate her copy to the local school library.
In spite of a somewhat uncontrolled vocabulary that might prove challenging for a few readers, this book has earned five stars.
Want to read something for adults? Try Three Minute Therapy: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College, 2E
This book for teens entering college comes packaged remarkably like a blog or a well-designed web site, with small, digestible chunks of good sound bites--perfect for the multi-tasking generation.
This is a handy guide to college issues crossing the spectrum, but not in a surface kind of way, nor from the voice of a distant professional. It's written in all its glorious detail and anecdotes from the point of view of an author not much older than its readers.
And it works. With its mix of tips, stories, personal quotes, and wise advice, this book achieves its aim to allay fears, provoke deep thought, and lead gently to prudent decision-making like no parent can for a young adult on the brink of college.
From barbecues to bipolar disorder, from technology to thank you cards, the robust index simulates a Google search nicely. Any student surviving the technology age with an ability to read will appreciate its likeness to a computer, both in accessibility and format.
One warning--if you're seeking a book to reinforce conservative or religious morals regarding such things as sexuality, this may not be the book of choice; its flavor is more of that of personal values clarification. However, it is this reviewer's opinion that students of this age already own their values, regardless of your book of choice.
This book gets five stars.
This problem was posted to the Teens and Tweens board:
I need some ideas. My daughter's self esteem is pretty low because a "mean" girl in her class tells her every day that she is ugly and stupid. I tell her again and again that it is not true...she is smart...beautiful...etc. As soon as I get her self esteem up again, is just gets knocked down.
Her teacher is aware of the situation, but nothing is being done
because the "mean" girl's mother works at the school.
Any suggestions for building up her self esteem would be greatly
appreciated!
As much as I hate to say it, this isn't about fixing the mean girl. There's a belief system your daughter harbors which can get fed into by anything anywhere anytime.
Belief systems can happen to anybody. We all have them. When they're grossly inaccurate, they lead to things like low self-image.
Worse, her belief system is like teflon. Anything you say doesn't stick. It may brighten her up for a day, but that's all.
I've sometimes discussed belief systems with my kids. What they need to know is that their belief system is up to them, not up to me. She can continue to look for evidence that she's less than otehrs, or she can get fed up and decide to ditch the belief system.
Here's an example of a different belief system I've dealt with. My kid had the belief system that I'm not fair to my kids. She interpreted everything I did as evidence that she was right--that she was getting a raw deal. A mother can make herself crazy trying to show otherwise.
I finally sat her down and explained to her her own belief system. I helped her see that she will look for evidence to support it, no matter what I do. Then I declared myself done with trying to show her evidence to the contrary. I explained that day forward, she would be responsible for what she believed. She would have to decide for herself that I either love her or I don't. That I'm either already doing my best to show it, or I'm not. I wasn't going to go out of my way anymore.
It took her only a few days to realize I had dropped the whole game. So did she.
Somewhere in that, she decided to take responsibility for what she believed. It hasn't been a problem since.
Giving your daughter complete responsibility over her own belief system will be a relief to her. But first you might want to think this over, and become sure FOR YOURSELF that what I'm saying is true.
So in a sense, you have belief work to do first. LOL :) Keep us posted. I find belief work with kids to be fascinating. It requires a lot of work from us.
Lying about lying--the title conjures up an image of your teen, fingers crossed behind his back, asserting, "It's the truth. That's really where I was. It's not a lie." 
But that's not the lying about lying that I'm talking about. I'm talking about us parents. We lie all the time about lying. And when we do that, we damage our relationship with our kids. That's because lying, when done for the wrong reasons, damages relationships.
What we all want is a good relationship with our kids, right? That's how we will all get through their adolescence intact.
Even the ultra-conservative Dr. James Dobson, whom you would think would offer hard and fast rules about raising an adolescent once said: "Your main goal as a parent is to help them weather their adolescence."
And if we work at a good relationship now, maybe we'll even have a shot at a friendship with our kids when they reach adulthood. No guarantees, of course, but I, for one, am game to try.
But notice something said above. Lying damages relationships if it's done for the wrong reasons. Are there some right reasons to lie? Yes, and that's where we go wrong. We don't tell our kids the difference.
I'll explain. When we paint a black and white picture about lying vs. not lying, telling them they should never lie, it isn't true. Conscious of it or not, we're lying to them about lying.
When we dare to ponder this thought at all, we usually come up with the standard three exceptions to the rule:
1. Lying about a surprise party
2. Lying on the phone about who is home
3. Lying about how someone looks
Hopefully, we're telling our kids about these exceptions, but we should also tell them about the fact that lying has exceptions.
It backfires to say "no lying" and then to model lying. To say "no lying" and then to model lying wreaks havoc on our credibility. How can our kids ever trust us? We need to get honest.
There are more, though:
4. Lying to your nosy competitor at work that should have known better than to ask you about your company's secret plans
5. Lying to protect someone from serious harm
6. Lying that you don't feel well, and can't make it, when in fact you're in your first trimester of pregnancy and on ordered bed rest, and you're not ready to tell anybody the good news yet.
7. Criminal investigators know that "no comment" sometimes gives away too much information to the press. To protect evidence, they must say they don't have information that they do have. To give away too much evidence is to lose a chance at a cloaked confession from someone who knows details that no one else knows.
The list goes on and on.
The issue of lying is more subtle than "don't ever lie." Lying is complicated and nuanced--more so than we like to admit. A few salient points about lying:
1. Lying can bless people
2. Lying is part of being social
3. "Don't lie" is the wrong lesson
4. Whether a lie will hurt a relationship is a better lesson
5. Modeling and explaining are, together, the best ways to teach our kids discernment about lies
It's not even always easy to discern whether lying will hurt a relationship. In the case of the pregnancy, for example, your relative might understand afterward, but might not. In this case, know your own boundaries. If this is a relative who's likely to spill the beans before you're ready, you might have to take the chance of offending her, and stick to your lie for now. You're sort of sick, right? After all, you are lying down.
There are other boundaries around lying, too, aside from whether the lie will hurt a relationship.
We need to also consider: whether we could get caught, what are the consequences of getting caught, how we will feel about the lie, and sometimes...is it simply the right or wrong thing to do.
The able-bodied woman who gets away with parking in handicapped parking while her disabled husband isn't with her in the car may get caught, leading to the loss of the privilege of a handicap license for her husband. This could be a devastating consequence.
Some parents feel that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are lies. When their kids outright ask, they tell the truth. Other parents are fine with this kind of lie, as it furthers a fun childhood tradition, and the risk of hurting the relationship is nil.
The citizen who cheats on his taxes may feel just fine, but it's simply the wrong and unpatriotic thing to do. Inside all of us is a core of integrity against which we can measure certain decisions. Some people call it a conscience. And we all know when to call upon that integrity. We just know that it is wrong. Whether we choose to ignore our conscience is a different matter.
Clearly, lying is more complicated and nuanced than many of us have wanted to convey to our kids. But not explaining this fact is a terrible mistake.
We need to stop lying about lying, on the basis that this kind of lie is precisely the kind that hurts our relationship with our kids, possibly irreparably.
We need to instead engage in some rich, honest discussions about all the subtleties of lying, including how to discern when lying will damage a relationship.
Then we can tell our kids we trust their discernment, and can release them to use it. And watch what happens:
Watch how appropriate lying falls into place in a young teen in a way you wish you saw in a lot of adults you know.
Watch how quickly they catch on to not wanting to hurt relationships, including the one they have with you--after all, your wisdom is of such great value in their eyes.
And when you catch them lying to you appropriately, let it go.
Do your kids listen to you or not? Do they respect your point of view or don't they? 
If you think that giving your daughter the HPV vaccine is an action that speaks louder than your words, then you are making the stunning admission that your values don't rate. You have a bigger problem than whether or not to give the HPV vaccine.
To say that the HPV vaccine condones premarital sex or careless sex is a fatalistic attitude that belies your own sense of powerlessness as a positive model to your kids.
And I know this statement might bring the sting of conviction, but folks who choose not to immunize their daughters in the name of morality or religion are more concerned about sending a message than with the safety of their loved ones.
What's more important to you--your daughter's safety? Or your platform?
I know which I choose for my two daughters. And since I don't live in Texas, I don't even get the luxury of blaming it on my state when I willingly haul my kids to the doctor this spring.
My girls, age 11 and 13, respect my values. But even if they do choose my values, which as adults will be up to them, and they do wait until marriage to have sex, what about date rape? What about getting a spiked drink at a party? These are risks, too.
And what about the young lady who remains a virgin until marriage, but her husband didn't do so well? A member of the Teens and Tweens message board put it this way:
"I could not agree more with those who say sex belongs only in marriage. However, even if a young woman remains abstinent until marriage and monogamous throughout her marriage, if her husband does not, he can pass this virus to her. The virus does not care who it infects.
"The sad reality is that for the most part, most of our daughters will not have future husbands who have been abstinent until marriage; therefore I will do whatever it takes to protect them. I liken it to learning CPR, better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."
I want to reduce all of my daughters' risks, not just some. So I talk about everything that can happen, from spiked drinks to cancer. I want to keep them safe in every way. To me, if your kids know your values, there's no contradiction.
HPV causes cervical cancer. Cancer kills. I want my girls to live a long life.
Bringing my girls to the doctor this spring for the HPV vaccine is a poignant way of communicating my love for them. The message that I love them this much will help them make good choices in their sexual futures. And the message that I refuse to use them as a platform will only double the love, thus doubling their self-care.
There's one other compelling reason to seriously consider this vaccine now: it's only effective if given before sexual activity begins.
Is the vaccine safe? That's a different question, and I will research it for myself before their appointments.
The cot mattress lay on the dark blue carpet again, skewed diagonally, one corner shifted slightly under my daughter's bed. Uncovered by any sheet, its dull flower pattern shown under a scrunched child's sleeping bag. 
It's not so unusual a sight in my dear teen daughter's bedroom--she hosts many a girl sleepover in her otherwise cordoned off haven. This room is off limits to all but the invited, and is especially closed to siblings. Set apart from the rest of the house, it even has its own smell, that of an air freshener that wafts out into the hallway whenever the door is cracked a smidgen.
But this was a weekday and there was no sleepover. Admittedly, it took three days for me to notice it, but that's because I am one of the forbidden except for once a day when I step over books, magazines and dirty laundry to make the bed.
I figure it this way--she gets up so early there's no time to make the bed herself. Yet it's nice for her to come home to a made bed, the only tidy part of her room. So every day I dutifully make her bed, sometimes stepping over the skewed cot mattress to do it.
Making the bed this morning, it finally dawned on me to ask nobody in particular, "why is the cot mattress in here this week?"
My husband is away all week, and things are a bit topsy turvey. My eight-year-old feels lonely without him, necessitating extra hugs at night. That may be why I'm so tired and not noticing things. My little guy wakes me up for those hugs.
Sibling issues among my four are often worse, too, when hubby's away, and my dear teen daughter and the eight-year-old are no exception. They've been snapping at each other a bit. I am ever hopeful for the future, though, because my teen really does have a good heart, beneath all the vicissitudes of adolescence.
Today I thought to ask dear daughter about the cot mattress, but I forgot until after she'd left for school. So her eight-year-old brother became the recipient of the question. It's amazing how much a little brother knows about the goings on of siblings, so I thought it was worth a shot.
So on the way to school, I asked him in the car--why does your sister have the cot set up? "Oh" he said," that was for me while Daddy's away. She said I can come in and sleep there any time I feel lonely. I was there last night."
My heart goes ka-thump today.
A mother of an 8 year old child with some medical issues and cognitive delays asked what to do about a problem. Her child is mainstreamed for part of the school day, and attends a special education class the other part of the day. This child has complained recently of being teased in school.
Following is my response:
Congrats on having a "different" child. Contrary to what some say, I don't believe God chooses special parents for special kids (at least not in my case!) Rather, I think as parents, if we're given a special needs child, we rise to the occasion as best we can. It's a tall order, but it makes us grow if we're doing it right.
As you know better than anybody, there's never one big solution to helping a child with special needs. Instead, we manage our kids' differences on a daily basis. I have a little experience with kids who are different.
My first child (14) has Down syndrome, making him both physically and mentally delayed.
My second child (13) has NDA. That stands for "not diagnosed with anything."
My third child (11) was born with a muscle missing in her face, causing her smile to droop on one side
My fourth child (8) is both gifted and color blind, setting him apart in many ways, yet making him dependent on others (can someone please find me a brown crayon?)
Both my now 13 year old daughter and I have been published in Exceptional Parent magazine, which is the number one selling magazine for parents and professionals in the disability community.
My family has had the good fortune to spend twelve summers at a disability camp, where we've had the privilege to meet a whole range of kids and adults with every kind of difference possible, many quite severe differences, delays, and disabilities.
So I guess you could say we've dealt with this topic, and, as you can imagine, I have a few thoughts.
Because of my oldest, I end up being a sounding board again and again for parents whose kids are classified. Most of these parents have kids who look normal from the outside, and are very high functioning. These seem to be the parents who struggle the most, perhaps not so surprisingly.
Many of these parents work hard at normalizing their kids, and I can't say that I blame them. They come to me because they're frustrated by how their kids are treated at school.
There's a weird thing that goes on in our schools, and it has to do with privacy. Teachers and administrators are charged with protecting your privacy to such a degree that they are never in a position to talk about differences.
All other differences, such as race, religion, and culture are celebrated in school. It's called diversity. But when it comes to learning differences, disabilities, or medical issues, it's called privacy.
That kind of atmosphere leads to shame for the child, and ignorance for the other kids. Kids crave information when it comes to someone a little different, and when they get it, they're satisfied. Then they're able to better interact with a kid who is different. In other words, being "out" about a child is what normalizes him.
The parents end up making a mistake, and it's an understandable and right-hearted one. They take their cue from the school, and stay hush hush about their kid's difference. But parents are not bound by the privacy law.
Parents and schools are on the same team, but as you know, a team's players don't all play the same role. They all have different jobs to do. Parents are allowed to be as open as they care to be. It is my opinion that in most cases, the openness is what's needed.
I asked a teacher once to discuss my third child's facial difference in class. It took a little convincing that I was allowed to ask her to do this, and that she is allowed to do it if the parent asks. She was so accustomed to privacy that it took some persuasion for her to remember that parents can override this privacy. Once she warmed up to the idea, she was able to run with it.
The catalyst for my request had been the day the kids got their professional photos back from the photo lab, and they were distributed in class. My then 8 year old daughter's smile was crooked in the picture, and someone made fun of it.
The result of the class discussion turned out to be so earth shattering that I wrote the whole story, sent it to Exceptional Parent magazine, and the story got published in the March 2004 issue of the magazine. At the end of this article, I'll provide the link to "Outing My Kids."
Once you've read "Outing My Kids," there's a second essay, and I promise it's much shorter. It's one of my blog entries, and it's called "Following the School's Lead? Not!" I'll give you that link too.
I've worked hard at setting a tone for discussion in my children's schools. Once, when a child on the playground commented on my son's unusual eyes, and the infantile way that he plays, I went over to the child and praised him for his observation skills. The kid couldn't have been more than seven, but he was fascinated with my simple explanation that my son has a disability called Down syndrome, that this means he looks a little different and maybe acts a little different, but that he likes to play just like other kids.
Then I suggested to this mesmerized child that he might grow up to one day be a doctor or social worker who cares very much about people with disabilities. He went away beaming.
That child could easily have been misinterpreted as being nosy or mean. But he was just asking, and he's entitled to an answer. If he'd asked such a question in school, he would have been hushed. As parents, we need to combat this.
When we as adults avoid a subject, we communicate loud and clear that the subject must be terrible and shameful. In contrast, when we do allow discussion and provide explanation, children can fill in their natural curiosity with information.
Children will fill in the blanks with something, no matter what you do. It's up to us as adults to decide if they'll make something up, which is usually not good, or whether they will receive the right information. And there's always a way to explain it, even if the child has a specific diagnosis. What curious kids need is a word. At very least, you can tell them, "Oh she has some cognitive delays, which means she may have to work a little harder than you to learn things."
It may come down to our own comfort with our child's differences.
Here are the articles:
Outing My Kids
Following the School's Lead? Not!
If you're relying on Parental Controls from your Norton Internet Security package to block images, I just found out that Norton doesn't do that great a job.
Sit down at your child's computer. All you have to do is to go to Google Images (if you have the Google toolbar, you can click on that little G with the arrow, and change it to "search images.")
Then try typing in "teens" just to see an example. You may get explicit pictures on your child's computer, even though NIS Parental Controls are installed and configured . That's because Symantec is better at blocking web sites than at blocking images.
There are other software packages that do a better job at filtering images, but if you don't want to shell out the bucks, here's a solution. You can use Google's SafeSearch filtering.
Go to google's web site (www.google.com). Click on that tiny link that says "preferences." Scroll down to SafeSearch filtering, and you'll see you have some choices. Click "strict filtering" for the most stringent filtering of images.
If your child uses other search engines besides Google, you'll need to change your preferences for each one.
Yahoo is a widely used search engine nowadays. To adjust Yahoo, go to the Yahoo home page (www.yahoo.com) and click "search" as if you're conducting an empty search. Then, at the bottom of the search page, click "search preferences." Look for "safe search" and click edit. You'll see your choices. Remember to click "save" when you're done.
Obviously, these settings can be explicitly mucked with, and locking them is a different topic for another day. But for the innocent kid who's just trying to do his homework and wishes not to be surprised by a pornographic image he never intended to find, "SafeSearch" works well.
If your child sometimes uses your computer, you might want to set up SafeSearch there, too.
Recently I described a way I talk to my kids about doing their chores that takes the pressure off of doing it perfectly. I called it "Track Marks in the Carpet," as in "just make it look like you've vacuumed. Leave track marks in the carpet."
I'm not always consistent about doing this. However, I'm finding that every time I do speak to them in this way, I get good results. That's reinforcing.
Lately I've been doing it more and more. I find that kids like code words, and now "track marks" has become one of our code words.
So instead of the lecturing and long explanations such as "Okay clean up your room as best you can today and then during the week would you try your best to keep up with it and I'll try too," I simply say, "Hey, track marks in your room this week."
They love it. But of course it means we need to adjust our own beliefs about standards. Can it be okay if they do a so-so job? Does this mean they don't care?
I believe it doesn't mean they don't care. It's just as best as their teenage brains can do. And if they're trying, is that good enough? Do we even believe that they're trying?
Sometimes I misinterpret sloppiness as lack of trying. Yet they're trying so hard that I'm frustrating them. That's why I think they sometimes end up underachieving. They don't do that on purpose. it's just that our standards are too high, and it's too much pressure for them.
Here's a children's song you might know. I've added the bold:
I picked the reddest apple from the tree.
It was the finest one that I could see.
I saved it all except a bite or two. Just for you.
I carried home the groceries from the store.
I wanted to be helpful with a chore.
I put them all away except a few. Just for you.
Someday I'll be grown up too.
And if I can I'll grow up just like you.
I ate up all my lunch just like you said
But I think there was a little too much bread.
And so I left the crust when I was through just for you.
Someday I'll be grown up too.
If I can I'll grow up just like you.
Just one more thing before I go to bed.
And everything I have to say is said.
There's something special that I want to do.Here is a kiss, just for you.
