I put them all away except a few

Recently I described a way I talk to my kids about doing their chores that takes the pressure off of doing it perfectly. I called it "Track Marks in the Carpet," as in "just make it look like you've vacuumed. Leave track marks in the carpet."

I'm not always consistent about doing this. However, I'm finding that every time I do speak to them in this way, I get good results. That's reinforcing.

Lately I've been doing it more and more. I find that kids like code words, and now "track marks" has become one of our code words.

So instead of the lecturing and long explanations such as "Okay clean up your room as best you can today and then during the week would you try your best to keep up with it and I'll try too," I simply say, "Hey, track marks in your room this week."

They love it. But of course it means we need to adjust our own beliefs about standards. Can it be okay if they do a so-so job? Does this mean they don't care?

I believe it doesn't mean they don't care. It's just as best as their teenage brains can do. And if they're trying, is that good enough? Do we even believe that they're trying?

Sometimes I misinterpret sloppiness as lack of trying. Yet they're trying so hard that I'm frustrating them. That's why I think they sometimes end up underachieving. They don't do that on purpose. it's just that our standards are too high, and it's too much pressure for them.

Here's a children's song you might know. I've added the bold:

I picked the reddest apple from the tree. 

It was the finest one that I could see. 

I saved it all except a bite or two. Just for you. 

I carried home the groceries from the store. 

I wanted to be helpful with a chore. 

I put them all away except a few. Just for you. 

Someday I'll be grown up too. 

And if I can I'll grow up just like you. 

I ate up all my lunch just like you said 

But I think there was a little too much bread. 

And so I left the crust when I was through just for you. 

Someday I'll be grown up too. 

If I can I'll grow up just like you. 

Just one more thing before I go to bed. 

And everything I have to say is said. 

There's something special that I want to do.

Here is a kiss, just for you.